The Twisted Diaries of an Azkaban Escapee
by TheSolitaryNoodle
Summary: Bellatrix Lestrange's diary, from her trial onwards. Very funny, I hope with lots of Random Twists... starring, of course, Bella, but you'll see some other familiar faces there to - Sirius, Fudge, Narcissa, Rodolphus, etc. Rated 'T' for language.
1. Whatever happened to Barty?

**Disclaimer: I own nothing here except the plot.**

**Notes: Please could you R&R? Or check out one of my other fan fictions? Also here Bellatrix and Sirius are roughly the same age- in the books she is ten years his senior, but that little fact will come in handy later on.**

**Enjoy! xxxx

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**The Twisted Diaries of an Azkaban Escapee**

**Part One**

Thursday 8th November 1981

So here I am. In Azkaban.

I can't say I wasn't expecting it.

The trial was this morning, all four of us convicted in one trial- Rabastan, Rodolphus, little Barty Crouch Jr. and I.

Poor little Barty, he's so young. As old as my cousin Regulus was when he got himself killed. But that's not the only reason I feel sorry for Barty… his father runs the court. He hates Death Eaters, his father does. It must have been a shock to find out his son was one, and it was. Crouch Sr. denied even having a son in the courtroom. Poor, poor little Barty.

I kept my dignity as I walked into the courtroom, holding my head high as I was taught to do. Barty was in tears from the beginning, and Rabastan succumbed to them soon after. I could feel my husband, Rodolphus, shaking, but he didn't cry. As for me, I would never dream of crying.

I remember the trial so clearly. The phrase 'as if it were yesterday' comes to mind, but seeing as it really _was_ yesterday it doesn't really fit. Only yesterday? The hours are so drawn out in my little cell I feel as if my sentence should be over soon.

Not bloody likely. I've got twenty years in this dungheap.

Anyway, the trial… We waited in the small bleak room while Igor Karkaroff held his trial, (the filthy scumbag probably sold about twenty others out to save his own worthless skin…). My husband and his little brother Rabastan were talking quietly in one corner, and Barty was crying in another, but trying not to show it. I walked over to Barty, as well as I could while chained to the wall. Id never been one for comforting people, but I gave him a hug anyway.

"What do we do, Bella?" he asked.

"We go in there and let the people know that we're proud of doing what we did, of fighting for the right cause." I answered, trying to sound strong. There was something inside of me, not _fear_, but some kind of nagging in my stomach of… dread?

"But, Bella…" Barty sobbed out. "We'll be arrested… Azkaban… Dementors… we could _die…_"

"I know. But we won't, we'll stay strong. And one day, the Dark Lord will rescue us."

He nodded. I could tell what he was thinking; the Dark Lord had disappeared nine days ago. Some people say little Harry Potter killed him, but they're idiots. The Dark Lord cannot be killed; he is _invincible_.

I took Barty's clammy hand and squeezed it encouragingly. Bloody hell, I was being nice. Very un- me- ish…

I remember being yanked by the chain around my waist away from Barty, by some filthy Azkaban guard, (human, not a Dementor.). I fell, sprawling on the ground. In an instant, Rodolphus was at my side, helping me up. Once I was on my feet again, he turned to face the guard, but I held him back. The guard laughed, showing blackened teeth, spraying spit everywhere.

"Good move." He wheezed at me. "Pretty girl you are, ay? I could 'elp you out, make yer stay more…" He moved closer. "…_Comfortable."_

Eww, that was disgusting. I could not believe it. I badly wanted to seize his scrawny neck and make him pay dearly, but I forced myself to keep my dignity.

Wiping his spit of my face with a forced calm, I gave him my iciest glare. My husband lunged at him, pining him by the throat to the grey wall. Immediately, two Dementors grabbed his shoulders and threw him back.

They chained us to Dementors, and we were escorted in.

Crouch Sr.'s eyes raked our faces, lingering for a fraction of a second on his son, with disgust. I gave him my most degrading stare right back.

We sat in the chairs, and chains sprung up around us, painfully tight. I looked around the courtroom, seeing who would witness this. There was Dumbledore, with the Auror Moody sitting behind him, some woman crying into her handkerchief, 'Madam' Bones, loads of other idiots, and my prick of a brother- in- law, Lucius Malfoy. He met my gaze and smirked.

Bastard. How could Cissy stand him? I hated him. Eww.

Anyway. Passing over my sister's terrible taste in men…

I found the trial overly boring. I had always hated long discussions, even when they were about me.

Crouch Sr. went on about all the terrible things we'd done. It was rather long.

To say the least…

Eventually Crouch asked the court the famous question, _'Guilty or not guilty?'_ which I thought was rather stupid as we'd happily admitted to doing all those things. The entire court raised their hands. (Yes, even Lucius. Note to self; spend Azkaban sentence thinking of twisted ways to make brother- in- law suffer long and painful death. Moo ha ha.)

At this point Barty cracked.

"FATHER!" He screamed, and started begging his father to spare him. If I wasn't a heartless murderess I would feel quite sorry for him.

Crouch yelled back that he didn't have a son. The woman who had been crying next to him fainted. Which is rather harsh. Though I can't talk…

Yet again, the Dementors came, and we started our journey from London to Azkaban…

…In the North Sea. Joy.

So here I am. Sitting in a little boat in the freezing North Sea trying to write. It doesn't help that my hands are tied behind my back, either.

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Friday 9th November 1981

I hate this.

Not only am I stuck in Azkaban for twenty years, where there are no showers, but guess who is in the cell next to me?

My cousin. Sirius Black.

And, believe me, there is NO 'Cousinly Love' between us, none whatsoever.

Actually, our relationship could be classed as 'Cousinly _Hate'_… the fact that I have tried to murder him on several occasions since my sixteenth birthday may partly account for that, along with the whole Slytherin- Gryffindor thing.

And the fact that he beheaded my teddy bear when I was five.

_What?_ A traumatised childhood can affect you badly in later life. Science- proven fact.

Stop looking at me like that. Or I may be forced to Crucio you.

Oh, God. I'm talking to a sheet of parchment. I've been in here one day and I've already gone mad. Bloody hell.

Anyway, I am stuck in a cell for twenty years next to my cousin- the cousin who I passionately hate. The other cousin's dead.

Oh, Merlin's pants. Now, Mr Sirius- I'm - a- big- headed- loser- Black has decided to try and engage me in a conversation. And there is a hole in the wall between our cells. So now I can see him _and _hear him. Joy.

But I will keep my dignity and ignore him.

"Bella… Bells… Oi! Lestrange! Bellatrix! Are you bloody deaf?" Ok. He is officially the world's most annoying cousin. I will write down the conversation to prove it to you.

"What?" That was moi.

"Nice to see you again."

"Fuck off."

"Really. Language. Anyway, Bells, how are you?"

"Fine until you came."

"You're such a nice person, aren't you?" I didn't answer, so he took that as an invitation to carry on. "What're you writing?"

"A list of people I want to kill." I snapped. I am quite good at snapping. And glaring. But that answer was a lie, I was actually writing this diary thingy.

"Who's on it?" Does he not know when to stop? Probably not…

"You are."

"Cool." _Twenty years…_

I have now decided that Sirius should die a slow and torturous death along with Lucius.

If he doesn't kill me first with his annoying grin.

Prat.

I'm trying to ignore him.

I can feel him watching me.

Watching me and… grinning.

The phrase _'Die, Sirius, die'_ comes to mind.

It's just occurred to me that Sirius is locked up, too. What had he done?

Be right back.

I just went and asked him what he was charged with. The conversation went something like this,

Me: "Why are you in here?"

Him: "Murder."

Me: _laughs a lot at this. _"No, seriously."

Him: "Murder."

Me: _Speechless for a while. _"W- wait… YOU murdered someone?"

Him: "No."

Me: "Stop confusing me. Did you or did you not murder someone?"

Him: "No. I didn't."

_At this point I was very confused so I didn't say anything._

Him: _Sigh_. "Basically, I didn't murder anyone but they think I did."

Me: "Oh. I knew you didn't have the guts to murder someone."

That was meant to be a blow at his ego, but i think it cheered him up. Which is quite odd. This can only mean one thing… I'm loosing my touch. Shit. One day and I have lost my ability to offend people.

What will I be like after twenty years?

Shudder.

Oh dear.

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Monday 12th November 1981

I hate keeping secrets. Which sucks, as I am now the only person within fifty miles who knows about a secret as dramatically life- changing as the discovery of the Wolfsbane potion.

It is more important than the secret my other sister Andromeda told me about her little crush on Professor Herman (the old Hogwarts Arithmancy teacher) when she was fourteen.

It is more important than my dead cousin Regulus' secret that he broke Walburga's goblin- made million- galleon diamond necklace. He was six but I loved holding it above his head for the next decade or so. I'm plain evil like that.

It is more important than the time I… Ok, no it's not. No one must ever find out about that.

I will tell you the secret as you are an inanimate sheet of parchment and the only other person is Sirius. Oh, God…

Anyway, what happened is I saw Crouch Sr. and his wife (the crying woman from the trial) walking along to presumably see their son. About half an hour later they came back, Crouch now carrying his wife. Oddly, there were no guards, human or Dementor, outside my cell, so Crouch's 'wife' leapt out of his arms and looked through the bars at me. I was very confused; atleast until she spoke, and I heard Barty's voice.

"Bella," he said, "Bella, it's me. It's Barty. I'm getting out of here. I'll come back for you. You must promise, don't tell anyone about this. Promise?"

Speechless, I nodded. Barty grinned and kissed me quickly on the lips, before running away.

I think I am mentally scarred, because when Barty kissed me he looked like his mother. Does that make me a lesbian?

Shit. Bad images. Nooo! Get them out! Bad thoughts!

Now Sirius is asking me why I am smacking myself on the forehead. I will go to Hell before I tell him.

And how the hell does Barty expect me to keep a secret that bloody big? EVERYONE knows my tendency to humiliate people who are stupid enough to confide in me.

Oh, bugger. _Now_ the Dementors come.

I really hate Dementors. On the list of things of things I hate, they are definitely in the Top Ten, probably somewhere under Andromeda, Sirius, Lucius Malfoy and Banoffee Pie. (Banana and toffee… _who_ would put them together? Eww. I had the misfortune to come across a Banoffee Pie flavoured Every Flavour Bean once. Double eww!)

Sirius is, yet again, being annoying. He seems intent on preventing me from pouring (what's left of) my heart in to this diary- thing.

Classic Sirius.

Oh, holy crap. He is now throwing little bits of concrete that have broken off from the hole in the wall at me. They don't hurt; they're about the size of my little fingernail. The size of his brain, in fact…

God, I hate him… Right. I can't take this anymore.

Sorry about that. I have an extremely short temper and I just needed to punch my cousin on the nose. Random urge… It hurt him, a lot. Despite the fact that he over exaggerates and milks everything for all that it's worth, I can tell. Moo ha ha.

Back onto the Barty business… how long will it take for him to 'come back for me'? I doubt he will, to be honest. With his father, I doubt he'll see sunlight more than once a year.

I wonder if there's any chance of my parents breaking me out of Azkaban? Hmmm…

Nope. No chance whatsoever.

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**Wow... that was five pages on word!**

**Please could you R&R? **

**Next chapter up soonish. I hope. The more reviews I get the faster it will be... (That's a subtle hint...) lol :D**

**Love you xxxx**


	2. Sisters, Sirius, and Supposed Sanity

**I own nothing, I say! Nothing! cough Anyways... here is the much awaited second chapter! Thanks to all my lovely 8 reviewers, I love you all, and enjoy this next installment! This chapter is dedicated to you and my lovely friend Holly (Mrs-H-Jacob-Black), who has not seen me once without asking me when this chappie will be up. Here, Holls, feel privelidged.

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**Part two**

Saturday 16th November 1981

I know why people can go mad in here.

The Dementors are everywhere… And it's always so cold…

I keep seeing their faces, the people I… disposed of. I keep telling myself that they're gone, but I feel odd. Like… _remorse._ But I cant feel remorse, I'm heartless, His Most Faithful, the only female Death Eater… I'm the one who can kill and not think twice about the fact that I've killed them, that they'll never speak again, never realise the pain I put their loved ones through. Because that's what I do, I put people through pain.

But now they come back to haunt me, their screams filling my ears and head, their faces hovering wherever I look, begging, pleading.

The sick thing about that is, I _like_ it. I laugh in their ghostly faces, mock their pleading tones.

I'm not going mad. I've always been like this.

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Sunday 17th November 1981

Sirius amazes me. Why would a grown man act so immature? This morning he wakes me up by chucking his daily water allowance over my head. Which was rather stupid, as now he has nothing to drink for a day. It's funny to think that I grew up with him and still remained sane. Hang on…

Damn.

Anyway, Sirius was being an annoying bugger as usual, and I had, by this time, thought of many evil ways to get revenge. I don't know what the revenge will be yet, but it will contain generous portions of the Cruciatus curse (my speciality.). However, seeing as I do not have a wand at this precise moment I will have to consent to flicking stones at him.

Hmm. It is oddly satisfying.

Anyways, I have come to the perfect conclusion that… Azkaban deserves to be dunked in a vat of lava. This morning I asked one of the (human) guards if they had any Muggles I could torture, but he just sneered at me. Grrr. I couldn't believe him! Some filthy Mudblood (who has yet to discover a toothbrush) sneer at _me, _Bellatrix Black- Lestrange! To state the obvious, I was furious. So I grabbed his wand from his pocket, and started firing spells everywhere, only to be hit right in the stomach with_ 'Impedimenta'_ and sent flying into the opposite wall. Which hurt rather badly.

So now I have lost my food for a week. Which doesn't matter as I was planning on going on a diet anyway. But still, _one week_! Maybe I can get Sirius to share his…

Fat chance.

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Wednesday 20th November 1981

My family has not forgotten me! YES!!!!!!

My lovely little sister Narcissa came to visit me in Azkaban today! She really is amazing when she wants to be. I don't think she banked on Sirius being there too, though. It was rather a nasty shock to the system for her, I must say. I will write down the conversation to distract myself from the loud noises Sirius is making while he eats, rubbing the fact has he has food and I don't in. (Not that it's a big deal. The food's horrible here.)

I was staring at the ceiling when Cissy came in, but as soon as I heard her coming I jumped up, and gave her a hug. (Which, given the fact that I was behind bars and she wasn't, was harder than one would have first thought.) She then immediately told me that my hair needed a wash and I was already getting skinnier. Nice girl.

She then started going on about how Lucius had told her all about the trial. Can that prick not keep his mouth shut? Well, his wife can't… What happened to the little girl I used to kick around? Only one answer; Lucius is a bad influence…

My God, my sister could talk for Britain. It starts off about _'how stupid you were acting like you did at the trial, Bella…'_ then it goes onto _'and now people are giving me weird looks just because I'm related to you…'_ and will finally end up in the never- ending subject of Draco. Draco this, Draco that… Her obsession is rather unhealthy, I think. The way she goes on, you'd think the kid had just saved twenty thousand people from a burning building, but no, today he smiled. _Smiled._ So of course, Cissy would go mad with delight.

All the while, I'm trying to get a word in edgeways. Needless to say, I failed. In the end I was forced to shove my hand over her mouth as a sign to tell her to shut up.

But did she? No, she told me my nails were awful, and I needed a manicure.

What does she think Azkaban is? A five- star- hotel?

No wonder she was named after a man who fell in love with his reflection. It fits rather well.

She used to be so quiet, following me around Hogwarts all the time. But now she is the most talkative woman this side of Hogsmeade. It is a slightly scary change.

I wonder if she still sucks her thumb? I will ask her next time she visits.

So after giving me a blow- by- blow account of (_shock horror!) _Draco eating his breakfast, Cissy left. Leaving me all alone with my thoughts. And my cousin…

I hate my life.

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Saturday 23rd November 1981

My sisters annoy me. Even though neither of them are here, they still manage to get on my nerves. Thanks to Narcissa, I keep having weird dreams about Draco and oatmeal. And now I have a letter from my other sister, Andromeda (the one who fancied Professor Herman.) who hates me. Seeing as I am bored, I will copy it out. In my neatest handwriting!

_Bellatrix,_

_After seeing your arrest in the _Prophet, _I must say that I am very happy that you are in your rightful place at last. I told you this Pureblood mania would get you nowhere- and look at yourself now. Twenty years in Azkaban! I hope you die in there. You'd deserve it._

_Before this turn in events, Bella, I would have accepted your apology, if ever you grew a heart and turned back to me, (unlikely as it seems, I was always ready to forgive you for your blindness about Blood Purity and would have gladly put it behind me if you were truly sorry for your ways), but now I want nothing to do with you ever again. Don't ever come near me or my family. Don't reply to this message. I don't want you poisoning my life as you have so many other peoples._

_Andromeda Tonks_

I showed the letter to Sirius and he laughed for about an hour. Then I got really mad and punched him again. That made him shut up.

That letter from Drommie really wasn't nice. _She's _lecturing _me _about 'blindness'! Have you ever _seen _her husband? A Mudblood! She married a Mudblood! Not even a good- looking one! And yelling at me about MY blindness! She hoped I'd _die_ in here. Bitch. So much for sisterly love... Mind you, she does have good reason to hate me- I've tried to kill her, her dirt- veined husband and her filthy half- blood daughter on numerous occasions. Her daughter- Nymphadora, I think- is a Metamorphagus.

I don't know why, but that little fact is oddly amusing.

And now I can't stop laughing. Sirius is giving me weird looks, but… hey, who cares? Not me, that's who!

My God. I really am a madwoman. Mind you, I think it must run in the family. Think about it… one of my sisters married Lucius Malfoy _(bleurgh)_, and the other named their daughter Nymphadora. I mean, _Nymphadora, _come on! I can only imagine how much she'll be bullied once she reaches Hogwarts. I blame the parents.

I get my food back tomorrow. Good. Sirius has been eating slowly so I can see him. My stomach hurts. Sirius is annoying.

While we're on the subject of my family, did I mention that I HATE SIRIUS!!! He is an annoying, pompous, stupid, arrogant, idiotic, big- headed, gay poof. And believe me, I could make that list A LOT longer if I cared to. A LOT. But that is a waste of parchment, and us Death Eaters must do our bit for the environment.

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Friday 29th November

It's official. I have been in here for 3 weeks. That's 21 days.

Only 7284 to go!

Holy crap.

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Saturday 30th November

Ooh! Tomorrow is Halloween!

I wonder if Dementors celebrate Halloween?

Hahaha. I now have a mental image of a Dementor in a fairy outfit dancing along the corridor, throwing sweets into our cells. Now, that would be funny. And yet again, I find myself rolling on the floor laughing, receiving weird looks from my cousin. I have a feeling this will become a common occurrence for the next twenty years…

I could get used to it, actually. Annoying Sirius was a definite hobby for me when I was little, along with challenging him to contests (and winning) getting him back for whenever he pranked me, generally being a pain in the arse to him. Once I set his Gryffindor scarf on fire because he said that Slytherins were bogie- coloured. Another time I set him up on a blind date with Severus Snape. For the next six days I was hiding from both of them. Hmm. That was not one of my best plans…

But now I have twenty years to drive him insane…

If I don't loose it first…

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Tuesday 3rd December

Sirius was crying last night.

I could see him through the hole in the wall- I think he's been crying every night, actually. I could tell he didn't want me to know.

I first realised something was wrong when I woke up and saw that about twenty dementors were swarmed around his cell. They were all getting really excited, so I knew something was wrong. I could hear him crying if I listened really hard. I stood up and went over to the hole in the wall. He was curled in a corner of his cell, crying his eyes out while trying to keep quiet. I actually felt sorry for him. So I tried to be nice, (come on, it's hard for someone like me!) and talked to him.

"Siri?" I hadn't used that name since we started Hogwarts, but still…

"Go away, Lestrange." He reverted to using surnames then. It surprised me.

"Siri… what's wrong? You can tell me."

He lost it then. "What's wrong? You should fucking well know, Bellatrix! You're on _his_ side! _You_ have murdered enough people to know!"

"Sirius, I don't…"

"THE POTTERS, BITCH! LILY AND JAMES! THEY'RE DEAD!"

Suddenly the 'secret plan' the Dark Lord had been going on about made sense. "The prophecy…" I said it out loud, which was, evidently, a mistake.

"A prophecy! Oh, that all makes sense now! They died because of some stupid prophecy! Why didn't I realise that?" He was being so sarcastic that I didn't think it was possible. For him, anyway…

"Sirius, you need to calm down, you're just gonna get yourself worked up and-"

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! YOU'RE PART OF IT! THAT BLOODY SKULL ON YOUR ARM! IT'S YOUR FAULT, BELLS! YOU AND YOUR PUREBLOOD INSANITY! I HATE YOU!"

"Sirius, please, listen to me. Potter is dead. I'm sorry that you feel like that, but you have to let go."

"That's easy for you to say. You are completely deprived of a heart." He hissed at me. That was mean. So I went and sat down in the furthest corner of my cell, ignoring him. If he didn't want my help, then fine, he wouldn't get it. See if I cared.

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Thursday 5th December

Nothing happened today. Or yesterday. And I doubt that anything will happen tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the day after that. Or the next sixty years…

Yes, sixty. My sentence has been updated- they must have found my criminal record (took them long enough). I now have a lifetime in Azkaban. For some reason, it is an oddly comforting fact. Now I know that whatever I do, nothing will change, and I will die in here. Why is that comforting? Oh dear… What's happening to me?

I think I will try meditating. Apparently it calms you down. Cissy does it and God knows that she needs calming down living with Lucius. I suppose she has to clear room for it in her 'busy' little schedule, that is, in between obsessing over Draco and having pompous dinner parties in one of her many fussy little pinks dresses with her equally stuffed-up friends. God, I can't stand all the stupid aristocratic parties when I was a child. Usually, it would result in Sirius and me having a whipped-cream fight on the middle of the dining room table in front of all the guests and embarrassing both our family and us.

Ok, so now I am sitting in the middle of my cell cross-legged. Feeling like an idiot. But it'll all help in the long run, I suppose.

AUMMMMMMMMM… Wait, how do you spell that? Oh, who cares? Not like anyone's ever going to read this anyway.

Oh, crap. Now I look, sound and feel like an idiot. I suppose this counts as an all-round idiot then? Joy…

Gave up on the meditation front. Cissy has odd habits.

It is now December. And bloody freezing. I am about 600 feet up in a massive tower in the middle of the North Sea, with no central heating and a wide-open window… well, more like a hole in the wall with bars across it. Wearing some old rags that are more suitable for a House-Elf than a human. So, in short, I am cold. VERY cold. Actually, it's beyond cold, and is now in the realms of a pneumonic ice cube. So, yes I am cold.

On the bright side, Sirius hasn't spoken to me since our little feud two days ago. I suppose that I should try to comfort him again, I mean he is my cousin, (did I just say that out loud? Err… no, I wrote it, but still the same thing.), and he's obviously very upset. Him and Potter were inseparable at Hogwarts. They were always running round together, hexing Snape or me or Lucius… They were really quite annoying. But you have to admit; the time when Potter turned Lucius into a ferret is one that stays with you forever. Good times…

However, the time where Sirius turned my hair pink was not good. Especially seeing as he couldn't remember the counter-curse, so I had to go ask Slughorn to change it back, which involved me walking from the courtyard to the dungeons with hot pink hair. He never let me live that down.

Well, Narcissa thought that I looked quite cool with bright pink hair, but I told her that it was _'against the school dress code' _or something stupid like that, to stop her from making my hair permanently pink.

Cissy is obsessed with pink. She turned her and Lucius' bedroom baby pink once. He blew his nut. It's funny to watch a Malfoy loose it. Especially when Cissy starts whining at him.

All I can say is; Draco should be glad that he is not a girl. Mind you, that probably won't stop Cissa from dressing him in frocks and tying little pink bows in his hair.

Poor boy.

Poor, poor boy.

* * *

Sunday 8th December

Today is my official one-month anniversary of being in Azkaban. Now, that wasn't so hard, was it? Yes, it was. It really, really was.

Sirius is talking to me again, as if the Potter-thing never happened. He keeps manipulating my name, too. He is calling me Trixie. _Trixie! _It's horrible! It makes me sound about three years old. I feel the need to go punch him again.

Hahaha!!! Sirius tried to be clever and duck me, but he tripped and fell over his water bowl. He is now drenched to the skin. Hahaha. Smooth move, Siri. Smooth move.

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**Well, like it? Remeber, the more reviews I get the faster I update! That's a subtle hint, people!:D xxxx**


	3. Bunnies, Hair Troubles and Moony

**OK, people, after much procrastination, I have posted it. I'm going skiing tomorrow, so I wanted to get this in beforehand. It's been done really quickly, but go ahead and read anyways, and if it sucks, tell me.**

**Disclaimer: Hello, my name is JK Rowling. NOT.**

**The whole frizzy hair thing is something of a standing joke between me and one of my friends, Jade (FF user XxjadeannxX). Basically, she's Narcissa Malfoy, and I'm Bellatrix, and when we're meant to be working in Maths or something, we go into character mode and roleplay random scenes. Anyway, she said (in roleplay-mode) that my (as in Bella's) hair was frizzy. So Jade, this chapter is dedicated to you. **

**Rimius shippers will like this one...**

**Enough waffle. On with the show!!! Hope you enjoy it.

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**Part Three**

Sunday 15th December

I've lost the will to live. I actually have. I have been in here for just over a month and I have already given up. I mean, what did I ever do to the stupid Ministry? What did I do to deserve this?

Oh. Yeah. Crap.

But still, one entire _lifetime_ is a bit harsh. Lets see, if you get one lifetime for every Unforgivable Curse you do, one lifetime for murder, one for having the Mark, and a few years for blackmail and other little things then… Wow. I'd have to be some super-concentrated nine-lived cat or something…

But it's ok, because the Dark Lord will get us out of here. He can do anything, especially when the Dementors are on his side. One day, we will escape. It could be tomorrow, next week, a year… even over a decade, but I know that the Dark Lord will rescue us again, and we will be rewarded for our suffering in this hell. And then- _then- _all the Mudbloods and Blood Traitors and suchlike will perish by our hands, and we will be triumphant…

But, for now, I have family troubles, in the form of my cousin, who has decided that I need a rousing chorus of _'Odo the Hero' _to liven me up. Dahhh. Do you know how long it takes me to get that tune out of my head? A long, long time.

_Why _did I have to be put in a cell next to my cousin? Why couldn't I share with Rodolphus? Or Antonin? Or Rabastan, or Jugson, or Rookwood, or someone like that? Someone who does NOT try to drive me insane? Even _Malfoy _would be a better person right now…

But, no, I have to get Sirius Black, torturer of cousins and famed town idiot. The last man in the world I want to talk to right now, or ever… Oh, good. He's shut up. And now he's singing again, oh my… I can't hear what song exactly, but-

NOOOO!!!!! NOT CELESTINA WARBECK! Why, Sirius, why? What did I ever do to you- OK; don't answer that… Oh dear, Sirius knows all the words to 'Spell On My Heart'. I'm ever so slightly worried. Do sane people listen to stuff like that? Not that I'd know, of course…

Now he's gone and got that stupid song stuck in my head. And I don't even have the energy to punch him again. I think I'll stick to giving him the Death Glare. Moo ha ha!

Die, Sirius, die… Ok, he's stopped now. I think my Death Glare scared him. Lucky it did, or I'd be forced prove to him that I don't need a wand to murder someone.

* * *

Thursday 19th December

How many Dementors are in this place? Just when I think that there can be no more, twenty more appear, making me feel colder than I am already. I keep remembering all my worst memories… I _have_ to think of some happy memories… OK, my eighth birthday- Sirius pushed Lucius into the pond. Yes, that's a good one. He was dripping pondweed for the next two hours… Classic.

And then there was the time the Slytherin team beat Gryffindor 470-30 at Quidditch. Sirius couldn't look at me for _days _afterwards… I was a chaser on the Slytherin side, so that just made it all the sweeter. Ok, so we cheated, but no one else needs to know that…

Ah. I feel better now. Time for a nap… Think happy thoughts, Bella… Lucius covered in pondweed…

Oh dear. I'm talking to myself. Stop it, Bella.

WHY ARE THERE NO SHOWERS IN AZKABAN??? _I_ am a _woman_, and so therefore _need_ hygiene! My stupid cousin can wear six inches of dirt, but _I_ can't! I WANT a shower! My hair… it's all horrible and greasy and knotted, I can't even get my fingers through it! I bet it looks frizzy. Andromeda and Cissy were always saying my hair was frizzy when we were little. It's called _naturally curly_ hair. NOT frizzy. And oh, God, my nails… they're _horrible_!!!

Hate to think of what my sisters are doing right now. They'll probably be sitting warm and snug on a sofa with hot chocolate and decent clothes… not locked up in this… this… _place_! Still, I suppose I deserve it… although would it kill the guards to put in five-star living facilities?

Hot chocolate… ahhhh… With marshmallows, and cream, and sprinkles…happy thoughts…

* * *

Friday 20th December

God, Sirius snores loudly… He's worse than Rodolphus, and that's saying something. (Seriously, I was suffering from insomnia for the first two months of our marriage!) Oh, crap. He now _talks _in his sleep. It's quite funny, actually. I think I'll just memorise a few of the more embarrassing ones to torment him with later… I will write them down, because I have the memory of a goldfish, i.e. a crappy one.

Nothing interesting… WHAT??? _Who _talks about Madam Puddifoots' in their sleep? …Ooh, he just said Bella… oh, damn; I missed the rest of it, although it was probably some lie he made up about me… boring stuff… boring stuff… _What _are Gurdyroots? I fear for his sanity, you know…and OH MY GOD!!!!!! SIRIUS IS GAY!!!!!!!! No, really, he just goes, _'Love you, Moony…' _really loudly!!! Oh, I can't wait to dish the dirt on him when he wakes up, MOO HA HA!!!

I _think _Moony is this guy, Lupin or whatever, that went to school with Sirius. And they are gay! With each other! Wow! I must tell… damn. I don't have anybody to talk to. That, my friends, is a depressing fact.

Now Sirius is going on about 'Moony'. Dear God, some of this stuff is rather scaring... Nooooo! The images! Argh! Does he _have _to go through all of the details? He _knows _I have a fairly dirty brain. Ok, very dirty… But that is of no importance right now. What _is_ important is that my COUSIN is in love with another MAN!

Oh, I can just imagine Walburga's face if she heard this…

I feel the need to laugh insanely. Oh, crap, my insane laughter has woken my dear cousin… now would be the perfect time to tell him what I heard…

Oh, well that's just lovely. Sirius decided to greet me today by saying, _'Hey, Frizzball.' _My hair really is frizzy isn't it? Damn that stupid Wizengamot for putting me in here in the first place! But… if it's bad _now, _what will it be like in sixty years? Oh, dear… and it'll probably be grey, if it isn't already… oh, phew… It's still black.

Oh, crap! I almost forgot! I need to tell Sirius about the Moony incident. I can't wait to see the look on his face when I tell him that I know his little secret…

That was priceless!!! He goes: _'Hello Trixibell. Your hair looks particularly frizzy this morning.' _So I just smiled sweetly at him, (desperately wanting to kill him), and said, "How is Remus doing, Siri?" It was so funny. His face goes so white it glows, and he just stares at me. And I burst out laughing.

Oh, my God, my cousin's a flaming queer… Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!! I knew it! Well, ok I didn't… oh, shut up. I feel better when I say _'I knew it!' _in an evil genius voice. It adds to the whole Twisted-Evil-Bitch look I'm going for. It really is the only look you can go for when you have hair like mine.

* * *

Monday 23rd December

I have decided to sue Azkaban. It is bloody awful. I _know _that we're meant to be being _punished, _but this is just evil. And I know evil. Ever met my mother?

* * *

Wednesday 25th December

Merry Christmas. To be precise, it is my first Christmas in Azkaban, the first of many, unfortunately.

You see, usually, when I was little, my parents would throw this HUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGEEEEEEEEE party that all the rich aristocratic Purebloods would attend, and there'd be loads of lovely food… loads and loads… shut up, stomach… and we'd all get drunk and have a lovely time. I met Roddy at one of those parties. I was a bit drunk, though, and he'd just move over from France. So neither of us could understand what the other was saying. It was very funny. And then there were the _presents…_

But in Azkaban, all I get for Christmas is an earful of Sirius' 'God Rest Ye Merry Hippogriffs…' Would it kill him to shut up? But wait! I have a plan…

I just went up to him and said 'Moony'. He's shut up. I think I have found my alternative to punching him.

I have just noticed that one of the cracks in my ceiling is in exactly the shape of a rabbit. Wow. I never saw that before... How interesting…

Wow, I get sidetracked easily… where was I? Oh yes, I will not punch Sirius. It will be my New Year's Resolution. Instead I will torture him psychologically, saying 'Moony' all the time. Moo ha ha. He will go insane! Or rather, insane-r than he is already.

Mooooooooony! I could get used to this… Just look at his face! Haha! I love torturing people… And I must say, I think I'm rather good at it.

I am still mesmerised by my ceiling… the rabbit looks so _real…

* * *

_

Monday 30th December

I swear the bunny moves. It does! Don't look at me like that you… old… piece of parchment!!! Grrr… Anyways, back to the bunny, I mean rabbit… it has moved places! Yesterday it was over by the hole in the wall, and today it's by my cell door! Scary! Is this place haunted? I wouldn't actually be surprised… I mean, how many people die in here every day? Oh, wait, that wouldn't work. What kind of ghost would want to come _back _to Azkaban? Not me. I'll be glad to get out of here, even if it means that I have to die. Still, I cold probably go back and haunt my sisters, or something… It could be fun… until Cissy throws a temper tantrum and Dromeda shoot me one of her 'Get-Out-Or-You're-Dead' looks. Which won't work, as I will already _be _dead, but it could still scare me. If ghost _can _be scared, that is…

I have given this some thought, and I would definitely go to Andromeda if I died. I know that technically she is not my sister since she ran off with the Mudblood scum, but I don't think I could stomach Cissa's infatuation with Draco and (bleurgh) Lucius. Or maybe I could go haunt my mother…

NO!!! I couldn't live… die… with that. I grew up being forced under the same roof as her, but will not visit her in my death, thank you very much. The evil woman hates me. And I hate her.

Anyways, that stuff is neither here nor there, as I am not going to die in here. The Dark Lord will come and set us free. Call me insane, (I know Sirius does,) but that's what I believe. Nothing can defeat the Dark Lord, _nothing._ He has powers of which the world has never before seen, much more then that stupid Potter brat or the old fool, Dumbledore. You'll see.

Actually, you wont, because you are a little piece of parchment, an inanimate object, which can't _see_ anything. And… I'm talking to you… like you can hear me… am I _really _insane? I suppose I look it, with the frizzy hair. Stupid Narcissa, getting the nice straight hair… Even Dromeda's is better than mine; it's brown and wavy. At least it was, the last time I saw her. She's probably died it pink now, or something, in an attempt to look less like me. Which would be hard, as, unfortunately, we look like twins, despite the fact that I am two years older than her and I have frizzier hair.

I've just thought, after my arrest, wouldn't people point at her when she's walking down the street, shout, _"Oh, my God, it's the murdering psychopath, escaped from prison!!!" _and run away? She must get really annoyed at that, because I know I do. _Why _did my Blood Traitor sister have to look like me? Why not Cissa, so that people would actually believe me when I said that Andromeda was in no way related to me???

Only, of course, _Andromeda _doesn't have frizzy hair. Grrr…

* * *

Friday 3rd January 1982

Oh joy. 1982. Hopefully this year won't be as disastrous as the last. Always look on the bright side of life… that's what Uncle Alphard used to say, before he got kicked out of the family, for giving Sirius a couple of thousand Galleons. Which I think is unfair, as he left me a decent bit of gold, too. I liked Uncle Alphard. He used to carry me on his shoulders everywhere when I was really little. And he had a never-ending supply of Chocolate Frogs and those massive sherbet balls that make you float when you eat them. I'd just sit there on his shoulders eating sweets until Mother came and screamed at us for getting sherbet dust down my front or him spoiling me… again I say; evil woman. Ruining my lovely childhood with her stupid rules… it explains why I'm so evil today, actually. Blame my mother. I do.

Cissy was right. (Wow, I never thought I'd say that…) I am getting skinnier. Definitely the lack of food… This place really is bad for your health. Oh dear. I think I'm turning into Cissy. _Of course _Azkaban s bad for your health! It's a _punishment! _Honestly, I'll be expecting a pedicure from the Dementors next… Scary thought.

I still haven't worked out the moving-bunny secret. It is a worrying thought, when you have crack in your ceiling that looks like a rabbit and it's even worse when it starts moving. Maybe it's some kind of ultra-special Dementor???

Ok, _now _I sound like Cissy.

* * *

Sunday 5th January 1982

I feel so odd. Almost like… I'm not actually _alive._ I suppose it's just a side effect of being locked up, with nothing to do. Everything in here is browney-grey. There's nothing… no colours, no fresh air, no reason to be happy, just constant fear and sadness, and the pressurising weight of the Dementors eating your every happy thought. I feel like I'm someone that no one knows about, and won't matter about. Like… I died in the struggle between us and the Aurors and I've been dead all this time, but I haven't realised it. I can feel my sanity slipping away, and I know that I've got to hold on, but I don't know why.

I can hear their screams… Rodolphus, in particular. I can hear him screaming in the night, in the cell next to mine, on the other side. I want to go see him, but I can't. I may never see him again. All I can do is tell him I'm here, and I'm not sure if he can hear me or not.

I keep thinking on how we joked about this a year ago. We used to laugh about who would go insane first if we were caught. We never realised that it might happen. I remember laughing about Dementors with the others. How stupid was I? I should have been more careful, not throw my life away… But there's nothing I can do about that now. I just have to keep sane. That's all I can do right now.

* * *

Tuesday 7th January

The bunny doesn't move. There are just two of them. And I only saw one at a time. Good good, I thought I was going mad for a second there. Phew.

* * *

Saturday 11th January

Sirius is speaking to me again. Oh well. It was nice while it lasted. I think he thinks that if he sucks up to me I will conveniently forget about Moony. Fat chance. This is one piece of information that I will never forget. Not until my dying day. And then I'll taunt him in the afterlife. Moo ha ha.

That's my life plan sorted out!

But I don't think I'll tell him that just yet. Having my own little suck-up is quite cool.

My hair is still frizzy. Bugger. Stupid curls. Maybe if I… nope. It is knotted. In fact, its beyond knotted, and is now in the realms of matted. Stupidstupidstupid_stupid!_

I am staring at the ceiling, or more precisely at the two lovely bunnies there. I might name them, just so I'd have someone with more than two brain cells to talk to. But what shall I name them? If they are going to be my only company for the rest of my life, then they will need good names… Hmm…

I wonder if I'm allowed to send letters in here? But who would I send them too? I've only just got over the Draco-Oatmeal nightmares, so not Cissy… I'm not talking to Drommie, so she's not an option… I could send one to Daddy, but I don't think he's very pleased with me at the moment; Mother certainly isn't. But then, Daddy was always so much nicer than Mother… but I won't take the chance. I'm DEFINITELY not sending one to Aunt Walburga; she hates me more than Mother does, if that's possible. Apparently, it's _my _fault Sirius ran away in the first place! Why? I don't know! It just _is! _And now she's blaming me for Regulus' death, too, because she thinks that I pressured him into becoming a Death Eater in the first place! Well, I did, just a bit, but I didn't kill him!

I'm not heartless enough to kill my own cousin.

* * *

**Read/Seen OotP? Notice the last line::cough:: Nuff said...**

**So, now for the big question... what shall the bunnies be called? Drop a review and suggest, if you want. **

**Remember, if you click on the blueish-purple button that says 'GO', you save a ktten somewhere in the world. Oh, yes you do.**


	4. Let down your matted rats nest

**As you may know, I deleted the 4****th**** chapter that was on here before, as it was crap. So, here is a new one. I kept some of the original one in, because I liked it, but that's me. Anyways, I hope you like it. :D.**

**Do you think I should put Bellamort (Bellatrix/Voldemort) in this?**

**Anyway, I used ****Bellatrix5982****'s suggestion for the Bunny name, Barty. But one bunny is still nameless, people!!**

**Review and tell me if it is crap. Or if it's good- I think you can guess which one I prefer, though…**

Wednesday 15th January

How interesting.

Today, the Minister for Magic, Cornelius Fudge, did his annual check on Azkaban. Which really means that he walked around pinching his nose and glaring at us. It really is surprising that he ever became Minister. He's not very good at it. I could probably do better.

That's an interesting idea, actually. Bellatrix Lestrange, Minister for Magic. Or would it be Minister-ess for Magic? Oh, who cares about the name? All that matters it that I'd rule the world, exactly as I'd want. Moo ha ha. Now _that _is a good idea. I like it. These are what I call happy thoughts… Bellatrix, Ruler of All, wow, it's catchy…

The first thing I would do is bring back the Death Penalty for anyone who's name starts with 'S' and ends in 'irius Black'. No prizes for guessing who that is.

Ah, said person is now talking to the Minister. And Minister is talking back. Hmm. They are talking about… erm…

Oh, God. They're talking about Quidditch. _Quidditch. _If I were Sirius, (touch wood) I would be screaming at Fudgehead at why he has locked up innocent people who have done nothing. Like me.

Ok…not like me…

But anyway… oh, Good news. According to Fudge, the Tornadoes are winning the League. YES! Hahaha. Sirius, the idiot, supports the Chudley Cannons. _When_ was the last time they won the cup? 30bc? But, it doesn't matter, because I love winding him up. He kind of goes a blotchy red colour, and then pouts and wrinkles his nose at the same time, which makes him look very weird. It's rather hilarious, actually. Especially when he sticks his tongue out to go for the 'maximum effect'. I think he thinks it makes him look attractive. It would take a lot of work to make _him _look attractive, I can tell you that.

No. No. Nononono. NO!!

How this be happening? Nooooo! I just heard the Minister talking to Sirius… _no! _The Ministry think that… that… they think that _Sirius _is the Dark Lord's right… hand… man. Nooooo!

_How _could my idiot of a cousin get known for that! It's not FAIR!! _I_ am the Dark Lord's moth loyal servant! _I_ am the one who everyone fears! This really isn't fair. It's about as fair as the time Mother blamed me for pushing Regulus out of the window, when all I did was… push him out the window. But, still…

Regulus got cookies and I got locked in my room for the rest of the night with no food and nothing to do. I have just noticed that throughout my childhood, I am always the one to get blamed.

I'm not even that evil. Well… shut up. All Blacks are evil really. I don't think we can help it. It's in our nature… the surname kind of gives it away. I mean, have you ever seen Drom when she's angry… scary. Or got on the wrong side of Narcissa? Well, no, you haven't because you are a piece of parchment, but you know what I mean!

To be honest, our entire childhood was a whole 'survival of the fittest' thing. Our natural Black pride took over.

War.

For example, the time Cissy tried to dye my hair blonde, saying that it would bring out my natural pallor. (Don't ask, she confuses me too.) And I do not look good blonde- really. So, I may have… dangled her by her ankles over the banister until she bled through her ears. It was rather funny, in a sick and twisted kind of way. But hey, I'm a sick and twisted kind of gal. I carved my initials into Dromeda's back when she called me a crazy bitch. But, anyway, we are talking about dangling Cissy by her ankles… the best part is; she's afraid of heights. And the Black stairway is long- very, very long… and high. The look on her face was classic. Simply classic…

But, Cissy got her revenge. Curses to the man who gave her a baseball bat…

She hit me over the head with a baseball bat. HARD!! For a girl that skinny, she sure can be strong. It's a shame she never manages to be strong when it came to carrying all the masses of shopping she bought every week… but anyway, she knocked me out with this Muggle baseball bat, then tied me to a bedpost and waited till I woke up. When I had, she proceeded to give me the biggest makeover known to Wizardkind! She… I don't even want to think about it. Every colour of the rainbow had would up of my face.

However, I did love the way she blended the eyeshadow with the… SHUT UP, BELLA!!

Of course, the prize for Best Revenge has to go to Regulus. Yes, that little weed. **((A/N: This is how much I love you Holly!! Reggie is a weed, just for you… -ahem- sorry…))** I never thought that someone like Regulus- sweet, quiet little Regulus- would have thought of something so mind-sickeningly evil that even I would never have thought of it. It was so… ingenious. Ickle Reggie had a place in my heart from that day on… even though he did steal my slice of chocolate cake. With the gooey icing…

Passing on…

I suppose you, my avid piece of parchment, will want to know exactly what Regulus did? Well… it is so horrifying, that even my Mother would run from it. And that is saying something. He… he… I can't even say it. It was… pure genius. Evil, of course, but still…

I suppose you- yes, you the little piece of parchment that is covered in my scrawl- want to know? Well, what Regulus did to scare the living daylights- and nightlights in Cissy's case- out of us is… so terribly evil that it gave Siri nightmares. And that's hard.

What Regulus did was, after the four of us, (Cissa, Dromeda, Sirius, me) stuck him to the wall with Drooble's Vest Blowing Gum, we were all expecting fury to come flying at us. But, Reggie's most ingenious plan was… that he did nothing! See how clever that is? No, you don't. Partly because you are a piece of paper, but yes…

You see, by dong nothing, the four of us were in suspense waiting for his big revenge for ages! We suspected anything he did, and, I must admit, we probably looked really stupid. Like once, he smiled at me when I drank my tea, and I spat it out and poured the rest down the sink, because I thought he'd poisoned it. But it was just normal tea, and ended up in me being tea-less. And I do not like being tea-less. No I do not. I may get slightly cranky when I do not have my tea.

None of us forgave little Regulpoo after that. We were all so paranoid… It must have been quite funny to watch. Cissy didn't brush her hair for three whole days because she thought it was jinxed, while Dromeda started running away from him in the corridors. Sirius was the worst though, he put up every protection he could think of; Gilliweed hearts, garlic, little curses written on paper… every time you tried to walk past his room you were covered in a Muggle thing called 'Pepper Spray' and tied up.

It was very funny when Walburga walked past. Happy memories…

Tuesday 21st January

I had a conversation with Rodolphus today. He's… well; to be brutally honest… he's going insane. Everyday, I can hear him screaming for me, or his mother. He was just saner today. It happens; some days we're insane, others, it's as if we'd never set foot in this place. I get it, Sirius gets it, and Roddy gets it, a lot. Others too, like Rabastan and Antonin, but they're further down the corridor.

Anyway, this conversation. You know the huge hole the size of James Potter's head in between mine and Sirius' cells? Well, no, you don't because you are a little piece of parchment and therefore are not alive.

But anyway, it is a rather unfortunate living arrangement, because the hole separating Roddy's cell and mine is about the size of James Potter's brain, i.e. miniscule. Smaller than Sirius', if that's possible…

I'm getting sidetracked again… So, this conversation I had with Rodolphus…

I could only see his eyes through the hole. He has lovely eyes, like bright green, emerald. "Belle." He said. He's the only person to call me Belle. It's French for… something, and he's French, so it makes sense.

"I missed you," I said. Jesus, I hope it didn't sound too soppy…

"I was always here." He smiled. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he hadn't been here. The screaming, shaking wreck that usually inhabited the cell next to me isn't the man I married.

"I know," I said. Sirius, the Brainless Wonder, had realised what I was doing and had started making retching noises in the background. I tried hard to ignore him. He is an annoying prat.

"How are you coping?" He asked me, pushing his finger through the hole so he could stroke my cheek.

"Oh, God… I've got my idiot cousin right there… look at him… stupid bloody bastard."

He laughed slightly- the old laugh I remember. "You never did get along with him at school."

I raised my eyebrows. "And you did?"

"Well… no. He was a bloody idiot. Him and those other Gryffindors."

"Rodolphus… why are we talking about them? I haven't spoken to you for months…"

"I know, Belle. I never stopped thinking about you."

I laughed. That was exactly the mock cliché I was used to.

Now I think back on it, I know I should have said something else, but I couldn't- the Dementors came. He immediately started shaking, his eyes rolled up into his head and… oh, my God, it was horrible. He has to have a terrible, _horrifying,_ memory that he hasn't told me about. It's the only explanation for why he's so… I can hear him. He's screaming for me, for Bastan and for his mother. And I can't do anything about it…

I'm not crying. I'm not.

Well… whadyaknow? Sirius does have feelings. He's asking me why I'm crying. (But I'm not.) He's… actually really caring. Like a cousin should be. I can't tell him. He won't understand. He can't. I don't even understand it. I'll talk to him anyway.

He can be amazing when he wants to. I went over to the Hole (yes, it is Capitalised now), and he just hugged me. It felt really comforting.

Maybe he isn't that bad…

Friday 24th January

I HATE SIRIUS!! He such an arrogant bigheaded idiot! How _could _he? It's as if Tuesday never happened. He is back to being the way he was before! Stupid waste of space. I wish he'd never been born. It would certainly make my childhood less complicated. For example, the time where he pushed me off the huge oak tree that we used to climb never would have happened. It hurt. A lot. And I was grounded for three months. Not fair.

Anyways, I absolutely HATE my prick of a cousin. He is just so… Grrr. I could kill him. In fact, I think I _will _kill him. Hahaha. Oh, wait… I don't have a wand. Shall just glare at him.

He's gone to sleep. Ah.

I may have a minor problem on the killing front. (It is very hard to kill people by glaring at them when they have their eyes closed, in case you didn't know.) Maybe I could climb through the Hole…? I think I will try that…

Ow. That plan was a disaster. I kind of got halfway through, but then I found that I was sitting on my arms, so that I couldn't move, and then I was kind of… falling forward. In the end, I had to wriggle onto my back, and slip back into my own cell. So now, my back, stomach and arms really, really hurt. Ow.

Oh, no. Sirius is snoring. Again. He sounds worse than that Hogwarts Gamekeeper guy… Hagrid, I think, with a cold. Oh, I don't even want to think about it…

Saturday 25th January

I'm going insane. I just saw… no, hang on. It can't have been. It must have been a trick of the light. But… there's hardly any light in here. Maybe I am losing it. It's really the only explanation. Apart from… well, that's just stupid. He couldn't have. Yup, I'm losing it.

Ok, what happened was… I walked over to the Hole, because I was bored and wanted to see if he was awake so I could glare at him, and sitting in his cell was a… This is gonna sound really stupid, but I suppose I'll tell you anyway…

Sitting in his cell was a big black dog. Like the Grim in Divination. It just… looked at me with huge black eyes- Sirius' eyes. It scared me. Then the dog just blinked. I very nearly fainted, and looked away for a second, and when I looked back, the only person in the cell was Sirius.

The Grim is a Death Omen. So… I'm gonna die? That can't be good news. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?? I'm going to _die! _That's not fair!!

But… Sirius was a dog. A big, black, Grim-like dog. And… then he wasn't. Like… he's an Animagus, or something. But, come on, Sirius, an Animagus? Like that'll ever happen…

I think I'll ask Sirius if he's an Animagus. Hang on a mo…

He laughed at me. In fact, he's still laughing at me. Rather madly. Although, I could probably laugh much more psychotically if I tried.

His mad laugh is quite pathetic, actually. I must teach him how to do it properly, if I can ever be stuffed.

Oh, crap, I'm getting sidetracked again… the IMPORTANT thing is, not that Sirius sounds like a rather drunk elf when he laughs, but that _my cousin just turned into an Omen of Death!! _Argh! I'm actually quite worried now…

I think I'll sleep on it.

Monday 27th January

Ah. I have a new problem on my hands…

I was having a conversation with Sirius today, and I was trying to get him in a good enough mood to tell me the truth about the Doggy-Incident, when he asks me…

"So, what are you in here for, Bells?" He can be incredibly stupid sometimes. I raised my eyebrows at him- he knows all about my Death Eater-ness, and then he rolled his eyes, and goes, "I mean, what was your main offence? The worst thing they read out of your very long criminal record?"

And I, without thinking, said, "Oh, torturing these Aurors- the Longbottoms- to insanity when they wouldn't tell me where-" Then I stopped, because I saw his face. I actually could have kicked myself for saying that; Frank Longbottom and his wife were good friends of his when we were all at Hogwarts. He just stared at me as if he'd never seen me before, and then he looks angry, so, so angry, and he tries to grab my throat, but he's never been good at aiming. He just punched my jaw, (I have a huge bruise there now), and screamed things at me, but he was too furious for them to make sense.

He's crying now. Screaming for Prongs and Lily and Moony and the Longbottoms and other Traitors like that. Idiot. How can he care for dirt like that Evans Mudblood and filthy excuses for Purebloods? He has no shame.

I think, though, that I can tell where he's coming from. Potter and his Mudblood wife dead, the Longbottoms locked in a Mental Ward in St. Mungo's (teehee), baby brother dead, and now he's locked in this hell-hole for the rest of his life, with nothing but his bitchy cousin to keep him company.

Wow. I _would_ make a good psychiatrist. If it weren't for the fact that I myself am a Grade-A psychopath. But otherwise… I could give it a try. Maybe if I ever get out of Azkaban. So, basically, never. Ah, well.

He really is quite upset at me torturing his friend. Even more upset than he was when I let Narcissa loose on him. The image of Sirius in a pink frilly frock with matching bows in his hair is one I will never forget…

So, no news on the Grim front.

Urgh. The food here is horrible. Like eating liquidised cardboard while being told it's porridge. I always hated porridge. But that might be because Regulus tipped an entire bowlful down my shirt when I said that Kreacher was worthless. (Regulus adored Kreacher. True love…) and besides, the stuff they serve here can hardly be classed as food, let alone good porridge.

Eww, is that a fingernail? Oh, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuckedy, yuck, yuck. Yuck.

I've suddenly lost my appetite. And, from what is coming from the next cell, so has Sirius. It seems he has found a whole finger. And I thought _my _'surprise gift' was bad. Eww.

Again I say; yuck. Urgh… just when I thought my life wasn't gonna get any worse, _this _happens. I hate my life.

And, while I'm in the mind for ranting, _why _is no one visiting me? Even my lovely (when she wants to be) baby sister has deserted me! And, _when _exactly will Barty come to rescue me? God, I'm practically a damsel in distress here, except for the stick-thinness and the whole dragged-through-a-bush-backwards-un-brushed-frizzy-hair whatsit. And, _and _Crouch said that he'd 'come back for me'. Wow, that sound like an incredibly crappy cliché line from those stupid romance books I was addicted to when I was fourteen. Am I supposed to faint a lot or gaze out my 'window' waiting for Barty to 'come back for me' to fit into the role? Like that Muggle fairytale- Rapunzel or whatever. _Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your golden hair_, or in my case, _Bellatrix, Bellatrix, let down your matted rats nest…_ and I'll blush and simper and act all girly and let the dashing prince rescue me…Oh, please. The day that happens is the day Narcissa admits that she had hair extensions.

Not gonna happen…

Friday 30th January

I am bloody freezing. If it were possible to stutter while you write then, yes, I would be stuttering right now. I think my fingers are frozen to my quill.

I think I'll go see if Siri has stopped giving me the cold shoulder.

No. He's still shunning me. God, I only tortured them to insanity!

But I need to talk to someone. Someone sane, so Roddy's out of the question… AHA!! I have it! The bunny- I mean _rabbits_. Hardened criminals do _not_ say 'bunny rabbits'. That is one of the main reasons why Cissy isn't a Death Eater. And because she's probably insist on opening a 'Death Eatery', just because it 'goes with the name.'

I swear she's adopted.

Anyway, my good friends the bunnies. Rabbits, I mean. I have not yet thought of names for them, but I will name one bunny Barty. Because Crouch is just so cute, and maybe this will tempt him into 'coming back for me'.

But the other bunny remains nameless. I could call it Bella Jr., but when I spoke to it, it would sound like I was talking to myself. And that just wouldn't do, would it?

**-looks anxious- It's crap, isn't it? I need to tell you, that on the first day I published it; I woke up and thought **_**'I'm bored…'**_** so I randomly wrote 5 pages on words in the space of half an hour. Never thought this story would be a hit, so I never planned any other chapters. What I'm trying to get across is: SUGGESTIONS ARE MORE THAN WELCOME, PEOPLE!!**

**Ellie xxxx**


	5. She's quite the psychopath

**Ok, for those of you who don't know, I deleted the original Chapter Four because it was crap, and replaced it. I hope this chapter's better. I think it is, as I had a good idea and I had fun writing it. So… drop a review about what you think! :D Enjoy!**

**Part Five**

Thursday 12th February '82

I hate her. I hate her I hate her I hate her. Why can't she just crawl into a hole and die? It would make my life _so _much more painless. I hate her. Her and her stupid We-Love-Muggles beliefs and annoyingly easy to manage hair… Why couldn't she just have stuck to hating me from afar? I liked it much more that way. And I'm sure she did too. We have never gotten on since I beheaded her favourite teddy bear when I was ten. I needed something to practise my mini guillotine on! And I never liked the stupid bear anyway. It had these really freaky glass eyes that just stared at you…

She'd come to visit Sirius, and so of course she saw me as well. I really am having trouble with this living arrangement. Not only does Sirius snore, but I have to put up with his guests as well. And believe me, this guest is not a friend of mine. Why did she have to visit him? Why couldn't she just forget about us condemned Azkaban inmates?

I suppose I'll write down what happened, as I have nothing else to do (again)... I woke up from a fitful and troubled sleep (the only kind you can ever get with these stupid Dementors here) and I heard Sirius' voice. My first thought was that Sirius was talking in his sleep, until I heard another voice, a _familiar_ voice… I then thought I was going mad, as I couldn't imagine _her_ being here. But, she was. I stood up and tried to look through my cell bars at the source of the voice.

She saw me. "B-Bellatrix?" She said, shocked that I was in the cell next to Sirius.

"Andromeda?" I said, equally amazed at the fact that _Andromeda_, the cleanliness freak of the family, was visiting Azkaban.

"Sirius!" Sirius said, never able to stop himself from making a joke. We both glared at him, and he muttered something about 'catching up on sleep' and went away from his cell door.

Dromeda walked over so she was standing in front of my cell, out of arm's reach (which is just as well for her, as I dearly wanted to wring her traitorous little neck). "Well, well, well…" She said, looking me all over, taking in my greasy, frizzy hair and unwashed face as I stood there, wearing nothing but dirty and stained rags.

"Why are you here?" I snapped, pushing against the bars, although I knew they wouldn't give way.

"I came to visit Sirius." She said slowly. "I had no idea you were right next to him. I can't say it's a… _pleasant_ surprise…" She smiled triumphantly as I glared at her. "What's the matter, Bella? Have you finally realised you were wrong about this?"

"I was NOT wrong!" I screamed at her. "He's a _Mudblood_!! He's not fit to lick the dirt from your boots. You were the wrong one here, YOU-"

But she cut me off. "And yet, I'm the one standing here _without_ the life sentence in Azkaban." I had nothing to say to that, so I just looked down at the dirty floor. When she spoke again, it was in a completely different tone. "Bella, I know you must hate it in here, and you must with you'd never joined the-"

"Never joined the _what? _What were you going to say?" I demanded, looking back up at her and glaring.

She laughed at my fury. I was _so _tempted to kill her there, on the spot. "Bella, isn't it obvious? Never joined You-Know-Who."

I choked. How _dare _she say that? I lunged for her, sticking my arm through the bars. My fingertips barely brushed her chin. "Being in Azkaban for the Dark Lord is an honour! I would lay down my life if he required it, I-"

"Bella, don't." She said, looking at me weirdly, almost hurt. "Please don't say that. I can tell you don't like being in here. It's obvious, and I don't blame you. I'd hate it; anyone would." She looked at me again, still with the same weird expression, like she cares about me. "But don't you think, just sometimes, that your life would be so much better if you _didn't…_" She stressed the last word, taking my arm, which was still trying to grab her, and turning it over gently, so that she could see my Mark, "If you _didn't _have this tattoo? It's ruined your life."

I tried to rip my arm away from her, but she was too strong, and I was too weak from lack of food. "Being… having the Dark Lord's symbol is an honour many have dreamed of…" I said, glaring at her.

She was still looking down at my forearm. "Dreamed of…" She repeated sceptically, "I think 'had nightmares about' is more of an appropriate phrase."

I screamed in anger, trying to yank my arm away. She held on tight, her (manicured) nails digging into my skin.

"Think about it, Bella…" She said coldly, finally looking up and meeting my eyes, but still holding my wrist in a firm grasp. "Cissy doesn't have the Dark Mark, does she? And look at her; she's happily married, has a son she loves, and _isn't _locked up for the rest of her life. I don't have the Mark, but I do have a husband who loves me, a beautiful daughter, and again, I'm not locked up. While you… a life sentence in Azkaban, no children, and…" She paused as another of Rodolphus' screams filled the air, "I don't think it's truthful to say that you're happily married, is it?"

My eyes filled with tears, and I blinked them back furiously. I wanted her to go away, to leave me alone, but I couldn't find the words to say it. I just stared at her. For the first time, I noticed she'd cut her hair- Mother used to make us have it really long, down to our waists, saying it was _'proper for young ladies of the Pureblooded class to have long hair'_, but she'd cut it short, to her shoulders. It suited her.

"Your hair…" I stuttered, trying to change the subject.

She gently let go of my arm, smiling slightly. "Yeah. I've had it cut. Do you like it?"

"Y-yeah," I said quietly, pulling my arm away from her. I had little crescent scars all along it from where her nails had dug in. "It suits you."

"Yours could do with a cut…" She murmured, pushing her hand through the bars to run her fingers through the matted mess. I pulled away, glaring. She laughed under her breath, pulling her hand back. "Alright, Bells, alright. Calm down, it's just a joke. Although…" She trailed off, smiling at me.

"How's your fam- how are things?" I asked, very nearly asking something I didn't want to.

She laughed again. "Things are good, and the family are fine, thanks for asking." I looked down, embarrassed that I'd asked that. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her get out something from her handbag. It was a bar of chocolate: Honeydukes, my favourite. She held it out to me. "Here, Bells, take it." She said. I didn't move, just stared at her disbelievingly. _Why _was Dromeda giving me chocolate? She hated me. I looked from her, to the chocolate, and back again. She shook it in my face. "_Take it_, Bella. I can see every bone in your body." I raised my eyebrows at her. It _had_ to be poisoned or something. "Seriously, Bella," She said, exasperated, "You need the calories more than I do."

I reached out and grabbed the bar, ripping off the wrapper and stuffing a chunk in my mouth. Swallowing it, I smiled at her in way of thanks and said, "You're right about not needing the calories, Drommie." I grinned and ate another chunk.

She gaped at me, opening her mouth to shout, but I cut her off. "Alright, Drom, alright. Calm down, it's just a joke. Although…" I grinned at her, eating more chocolate.

She raised an eyebrow. "Yes, Bella, very clever. Now calm down; that chocolate's gotta last the rest of your life sentence, you know."

I threw the remaining four chunks onto the floor by my water bowl **((A/N Woof woof Holly!! –ahem- Sorry, everyone…))** "T-thanks, Drommie."

She smiled weakly, her eyes locked with mine. "That's ok. You needed it." She said, zipping up her bag and turning to go. She stopped, and turned back to me. "Oh, and Bella… "She said, pushing her face close to mine, hissing malevolently, "I mean what I said in my letter. If you _ever _come near Ted or Nymphadora, I will personally see that you spend the rest of your twisted life rotting away in here. Got that?

I glared at her. The nice, chocolate-giving Dromeda had gone, suddenly there was only snappy, I-hate-Bellatrix-y Dromeda. (And _I_ have Multiple Personality Disorder…) I definitely preferred the one with free chocolate handouts.

So I snapped back, " You think you're going to protect them? As soon as I'm out of here they'll be six feet under, along with you!" (Ok, maybe I have _slight _Multiple Personality Disorder)

"Yes, Bella, I'll protect them! I'll do whatever it takes, even if it means I have to die! They mean everything to me. Leave. Them. Alone."

"A Mudblood, and the Half-Blooded spawn of that Mudblood and a traitor? You think I won't try to kill them? Why should I let them live?"

"Because they're your FAMILY!!" She screamed at me.

I lost it then; grabbing her by the throat, I smashed her head against the wall. I would have done much worse, too, but one of the human guards saw me, and blasted me backwards into the opposite wall with his wand. I nearly lost consciousness, and as everything was going black, I heard the guard say, "I'm so sorry about her ma'am, she's a madwoman, we should have put more guards up…" and Dromeda just said. "Yes. She's quite the psychopath…"

So, not only do I now have a reputation as a Grade-A psychopath, but I also have no food for a week, _again_! This is so unfair. And it's all Dromeda's fault. Damn her. Damn the delicious creaminess of Honeyduke's Finest, making me eat it all in three seconds flat… Grrr. That was the only thing I had to eat for an entire week and it's gone already. It can only mean one thing: my willpower's deflating.

Oh, Dromeda, why did you have to come here and give me chocolate? Now I need more… this sucks. Andromeda has a habit of making me eat things. When I was twelve I put worms in her bed (she has a phobia of worms, Cissy has a phobia of heights, and I have a phobia of Sirius in a face pack. Shudder. Bad memories…). Anyways, she found the worms and screamed her poofy-haired little head off, and tried to make me _eat _them. Well, I did, and they weren't half bad, actually. They're a lot nicer than the food we get here. Atleast we could be sure that the worms were actually edible.

Wednesday 27th February '82

I badly need to torture something besides Sirius. Torturing him is so _easy_! You just need to go up to him and say _'Mooooooooony!' _and he'll be practically begging at your feet for mercy. But then again, I know plenty of things to embarrass him. Like when he bet me that the Chudley Cannons would win the British Cup, and (shock horror) they didn't. So, he had to run round the Great Hall starkers. Twas not a pretty sight…

Anyway, why is there nothing to torture here? I mean, there aren't even any flies so I could pass the time by pulling their wings off!! Even _flies _don't like it here! Stupid things. And to think, I could be doing something _really _important right now, like… erm… helping the Dark Lord resurrect. Yes. That would be good. But, I am locked up in here for the rest of my life, with nothing to do but wish I wasn't and listening to my cousin snore to the tune of Celestina Warbeck, 'Spell on my Heart'. Looks like he has a talent _other _than thinking up stupid nicknames for me. I am quite amazed…

I'm really itching to murder someone. Honestly, I'm really itching. These clothes are horrible… but yes, you know what I mean. I wonder if Dementors are murderable… urgh, I don't want to even try; every time I get near them I am reminded of the time all the Death Eaters got drunk, and Lucius may have kissed me. (Don't look at me like that- I was drunk!) Bad memory… bad, bad memory…

I must remember to stop talking to you as if you're alive. I mean, you're a _piece of parchment_, for crying out loud!!

I'm bored. I really, really am. Why couldn't the Aurors just have killed me? Why can't the Dementors make Azkaban more enjoyable? I know it's a _punishment_, but I think I've learnt my lesson. The lesson: never distract yourself by laughing insanely for effect while around Mad-Eye Moody. Remember that, kiddies. Parchment. Whatever.

Thursday 7th March '82

I had a conversation with Sirius today. It was rather… odd. It ended in an argument, as usual, but to start of with, he was surprisingly nice. It was really sweet, too. He came to the hole when I was sitting down, picking at my horrible nails that desperately need a manicure. I look up at him, and he looks down at the floor, kind of… sad. "D-d'you know how Regulus died, Bella?"

That was too cute. Ickle Sirikins cares about his traitorous little brother. If he weren't the man who ruined my childhood with his stupid pranks, I would feel really sorry for him. But he _did_ put a spider on my biscuit when I was six, so I don't. I, however, do not care about Reggie, so I just said, "He betrayed the Dark Lord."

"And?" He said. God, he really can be stupid sometimes. Doesn't he know anything? You'd think his huge head would have a brain in it _somewhere_, even if he hasn't used it for the past twenty years.

"He betrayed the Dark Lord." I said again, still mourning the death of my lovely nails.

"So?" He asked, yet again displaying proof that someone other than Crabbe and Goyle can survive without two brain cells to rub together.

"So he died." I said, rather bluntly. "Betray the Dark Lord and you die." As if everyone should know that. Which they should.

"S-so You-Know-Who killed him? Or… you didn't, did you?"

I glared at him, because I felt like it. "No, I didn't kill him. But I would of. I don't know who killed him, actually. We just… were in a Death Eater meeting one day, and his body was brought in. It was sopping wet, for some reason. The Dark Lord said something about that's what happens if you betray him. Cissy was crying for hours."

Sirius sighed and rested his head against the wall. I stood up and walked over to him. He looked up at me hatefully. "I really hate you, Frizzball." He said, looking ready to kill me.

"I hate you too. I'm glad that's settled." I snapped, flicking his forehead. He has an obsession with foreheads. He wont let anybody touch his.

"Shut up, Bellabitch!" He yelled, flicking my nose. I do not like people touching my nose, let alone flicking it. No I do not. So I retaliated. And so did he, and so did I, and… you get the picture. He now has a very red forehead, while I probably look like a clown with a cold. Which sucks.

Thursday 21st March '82

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, everybody forgot… everyone except me. HA!!

**Yeah, she's loosing it. But who can blame her, really? And Dromeda was really harsh about the whole happily married thing… but then she was nice again.**

**Again I ask, do you people wan Bella/Voldy pairing in this? Please review and tell me!**

**Ellie xxxx**


	6. HE KNOWS!

**Aloha, civilians. :D**

**So, here is the latest instalment of Twisted Diaries. I'm sorry about the long update… I've got 3 other ongoing fanfics, and yeah. But still, I was only… one month and one day… -ahem-**

**I'm not JKR. DURHH I'm Dr Who! You didn't guess that?? :O –cough- Erm… yeah…**

**Enjoy!**

**Part Six**

Monday 15th April '82

I had a conversation with Antonin today. He was moved into the cell opposite me just yesterday. It's nice to finally have someone to talk to who's sane. "Hey, Bella!" He said, through the huge matted clump that used to be a goatee. I told him to cut it. But did he listen? _Nooooo…_

Yeah, anyway, I walk to my cell door, and lean against the bars. "Hey, Tony."

"Bella… God, it's good to see your face again…" And he winks at me. I raised an eyebrow. He was _so _lucky Rod was engaged in a screaming fit of insanity… Then he kind of stutters out, "I-I mean, to see a… a… _familiar_ face again. I was stuck next to some guy who's got six months in here for sending Fudge hate mail… I can't blame him, personally, but…"

I laughed. Antonin has always been able to make me laugh. I think that's the reason while I dated him in my fifth year, before he grew the raccoon on his chin. It really does look like a raccoon…

"Anyway, Bella, how are you coping?" He grinned at me. His teeth are _awful_. I hope mine aren't… oh God…

"Well, apart from the fact that I'm locked up in his hell-hole for the rest of my life, yeah, I'm good."

He grinned. That _cannot _be just spinach between his teeth… "And how is dear Roddy?" I looked down. I don't like people talking about him. It was Dromeda all over again… Just on queue, Rodolphus screamed. Screamed _my _name. And I could do nothing to help him…

Antonin looked away. Rodolphus had been something of his best friend at school. He was the one who set us up, now I think of it… It's odd how things like that work out, isn't it?

Just then a Dementor passes by our cell, and I fall backwards, hitting my head. On the hard stone floor, covered in a teeny weeny bit of straw and dirt and grime. As if my hair needs to get worse…

Anyway, I stand back up and get over to the bars again; Antonin's head is resting against the bars. We're all dying in here.

Tony gives the Dementor the Finger, which was quite funny.

Then everything went black.

It was the first time it happened. Just sudden blackness. I woke up a few hours later. Antonin was asleep, judging by the large amount of snoring coming from opposite his cell. Great, I'm surrounded by probably the loudest snore-ers in Azkaban! Just _great_. Why me? _Why??_

Anyway… it was so odd, the blackness… I could hear people's voices. My friends, family, enemies, old boyfriends… And, for some reason, I heard Dromeda the loudest. I think we were in Diagon Alley, a few years after she'd run off with the Mudblood, and I would have killed her but for the fact she had chocolate. (But now I think about it, I could have killed her and taken her chocolate. Hmm…) and I could hear her going on about the best shade to match my complexion. Don't ask. Drom confuses me… But then again, a lot of things do. Like why the Dark Lord has a hairbrush. I mean, come on…

Wednesday 1st May '82

OH MY GOD!! HE KNOWS!!

This can't be happening… this can't be happening… this can't be happening… How on earth did he find out? How may others know? What if the whole Order knows? Andromeda… does she know? Oh, I can tell what she'd be thinking… _You've always been a little slut, Bella, but this is something else…_ Oh, I hate her… But, wouldn't she have mentioned it when she visited Sirius, therefore seeing me? No, no she wouldn't have. She once neglected to mention to me that my skirt was tucked into my knickers when we were at Hogwarts. Oh, the shame…

Anyways, he knows! Oh God, if this gets out my reputation will be worse than it is already!

Urgh. I wish I'd wake up and it would all be a dream… Oh God. I sound like Cissy. Which is never a good thing.

I suppose I will tell you, as you are a small piece of vellum, and probably the trustworthiest object here.

So, Sirius was snoring, as per usual, only this time Roddy joined in. And Antonin decided to add to the symphony. Shudder. It was like the badly tuned orchestra at the Hog's Head playing with broken instruments. Awful. Absolutely awful. So, yes, I stood up and went to flick stones at Sirius. It was fun.

He woke up when one of the pebbles hit his ear. He stood up and came to the hole, trying to be secretive as he collected stones to throw back at me. He is so immature.

"Yes, Trixibell?" He said, preparing to chuck the stones at me.

I slapped his hand, causing them to fall out of his hand. He scowled like a five-year-old at me.

"You were snoring." I said.

"So? I'm a man. Men snore. And not just men-"

"Shut it. Either find a way to stop yourself snoring, or don't sleep until I escape from here."

"Escape? Yeah, right, Bella. Like you could ever escape from _anywhere_. Remember that time, when we were eleven, about to go to Hogwarts, and Aunt Elladora locked you in the closet for calling her a psychopath? Not that I disagree, of course. House elf heads hardly make the best ornaments…"

"Sirius, get to the point."

"Err… Right. Well, she locked you in there for a week, and you couldn't escape and everyone forgot about you? It was only when I opened the closet to get my suitcase out that we found you."

"It wasn't funny. I nearly died."

"Exactly why it was so hilarious, dear cousin."

I tried to punch him, but he ducked. Living next to he two loudest snore-ers this side of Hogsmeade can give you sleep deprivation, which can lead to crappy aim. Which is yet another reason why I hate this place.

"Aww. Iddle widdle Bella Trixie's too tired to fight her mean, _nasty_ cousin."

HE STOLE MY BABY VOICE! _MY_ TRADEMARK!

"Shut up, Sirius!" I scream at him. It was so dark in there; the light from his eyes was all I could see in the silhouette of his face, long matted hair framing it.

"Anyways, Trixie, I'll escape before you."

"You so won't. As soon as the Dark Lord rises again I'll be out-"

"God, Bella, please tell me you don't honestly believe that?"

I was confused. "Huh?"

"That You-Know-Who will come back."

"Of course he will come back! H-how can he not? He's the Dark Lord! He can do anything! He's invincible, he's-"

"Invincible? Uh huh, that's why he got beaten by a one-year-old."

All right, I admit, getting beaten by a baby was a pretty odd thing to happen to the world's most powerful wizard ever. But, still… I would never tell Siri that I thought that. Instead I said, "He wasn't _beaten_, he was just… indisposed…"

"Riiiight…" Sirius said in that really annoying voice he has. "Besides, Bells, if he was only _indisposed_, then how come you're still in here?"

That one was hard. "Well… Erm, he must be… lying low, y'know. I'm sure he will come back for me…"

Sirius reached through the hole to pinch my cheek. Pinch my cheek? No comment. "Aww. Methinks iddle Bella has fallen from favour. Poor widdle thing." Again using MY baby voice. But it was what he said that mad me even more angry.

"I HAVE NOT!! I am His Most Faithful Servant, His Most Loyal and-"

"Yeah, yeah, Bells. I bet I know why you're all of that crap."

I didn't answer, only raised an eyebrow at him in question.

He grinned, and it looked like his face was splitting in two. I hate him. "Ah, Bellatrix, I bet you are his most Loyal whatsit, because you, err, how do I say this…" He was holding back his laughter.

I rolled my eyes. "_Before_ my life sentence is over, Siri?"

He snorted. Eww. I always knew he was a pig… "Alright, Bells, what I was going to say is…" He took a deep breath, shaking with compressed laughter. "Is that you are his most loyal dimwit- _let me finish, Trixibell_-because you… you… you let him have his way with you in the bedroom." He finished, bursting into laughter.

My jaw dropped. Oh. My. God. He KNOWS!! But I couldn't let him know that was true, so I just said, "Sirius, that idea is a… a new level of stupid, e-even for you, and I'm n-not even going to respond to it… b-because… I- I'm not… I mean I…" Urgh. It was as good as a signed confession.

He smirked arrogantly. He wouldn't be smirking so hard if he knew the state of his hair. (Don't you dare say 'Pot and Kettle…) Then he said- "So I'll take that as a 'Yes Siri, I am spreading my legs for the Dark Lord', shall I?"

I choked. I didn't know what to say.

Sirius decided to start talking again, though. "Does darling _Roddy _know?" My eyes widened, and he smirked. "OH RODDYYYYY!!" He yelled at the opposite wall.

"Sirius, _shut up_!" I hissed. He just grinned at me.

I could see I was backing myself into a corner. So I turned around and walked straight into a wall, knocking myself out. It seemed the easiest escape route at the time. But the bruise on my forehead disagrees.

If I don't talk to Siri, maybe he'll forget. Yes, that's what I'll do… I just have to sit here, scrunched up by my cell door in the one place in my cell where he can't see me, and not talk. Maybe he'll think I've died…

No. I don't want to give him cause for celebration.

Thursday 2nd May '82

I can see this plan isn't going to work. Hmm. I could try being nice to him…

No. Nothing in the world could make me do that. Ever. Not even if all the chances to kill Drom were at stake. Well, maybe…

Eurgh. This isn't even relevant to my problem. That problem being that Sirius knows about my affair with the Dark Lord. Of which Rodolphus remains happily ignorant. And I like it that way. It's so much less hassle.

So, what am I going to do? I shall see if the bunnies have any suggestions…

Nope. Useless things. Damn you, Barty Jr and friend!!

Oh, who am I kidding? He'll never forget.

I think I'll go to sleep.

Sunday 7th July '82

Ooh. It's warm today. Very warm, in fact…

These robes are suddenly incredibly hot. I'm sweating loads. These things are really useless- in the winter they're cold, in the summer they're hot. What is the point in that? Exactly how many ways have the Ministry found to torture us?

And my head hurts. Just thought I'd get that in.

Sirius hasn't forgotten about… '_It_'. We made the Pact. The Pact is a kind of promise the Blacks make. You cut your hand, along the lifeline on the palm, and so does the other person. You then clasp hands, sort of like the Unbreakable Vow, so your blood mixes, which is exactly why I do not plan to try it on Drom's husband. Yuckyuckyuck. If you betray their secret, the cut will open up and you'll slowly bleed to death. Cheerful stuff.

If you, my faithful little vellum, ever decide to do that, there you go. That should help.

I am not allowed to spill the beans on him and Mooooooooony, and he can't tell a soul (or soul-eater, in the case of the Dementors) about my little affair with the Dark Lord. I think that's fair.

Well, ok, I don't. My opinion of 'fair' would be to torture him slowly to death…

Saturday 13th July '82

Oh wow. I think I just hallucinated. In fact, I know I just hallucinated. Is there any other reason why I just saw a five-year-old Narcissa run across my cell, and straight through the opposite wall. How odd.

Oh God, she just came back. With a seven-year-old Dromeda following. Hey both ran straight through the _other_ wall. Hang on, past that wall is a drop, about 600 feet, into black stormy sea. And I don't hear the screams hat usually occur when two munchkins leap off the side of a prison 600 feet in the air.

They're here again. No, they haven't plummeted to their deaths. Odd, huh? Running straight through the wall, they stopped in the middle of my cell and started giggling like idiots. Cissy has a rainbow lollipop, damn her. I want it. And who in their right mind would give a five-year-old Narcissa sugar? No wonder she seemed hyper.

That was all too weird. The hallucinations gone now, but it was very… weird. Suddenly, Cissy spots me, and points at me, giggling, and says, "Look! Frizzball's here!"

How nice. Even in my fantasies they're nasty to me. Humph.

Dromeda starts giggling, and then she sits down. Cissy sits on her lap. They're both staring at me in this freaky way, and Cissy is eating her lollipop really loudly.

I crawled over to them, and knelt down. They just stared at me. I reached out my hand to touch them, but I couldn't bring myself to come closer.

Eventually Drom speaks up. "I miss you." She says, resting her head on Cissy's shoulder, arms wrapped around Blondie's waist.

"Yeah. Why did you have to go?" Cissy puts in.

I was confused. If I answered, would they be able to hear me? I gave it a shot. "Go where?"

They could hear me, because Cissa answered, "Away. Go away. Leave us. You left us. For the French man and the guy without a nose."

I almost rolled my eyes. _'The guy without a nose'_? The Dark Lord. She was talking about the Dark Lord. If she hadn't been a ghost from my deeply troubled and confusing pas, then I would have screamed at her. Insanely.

But then again, she never did have much respect for him, especially as a child. Even though she was a hallucination, I still felt the burning urge to yank her hair, like I used to. Well, still do…

I shifted, so I was sitting cross-legged. "I didn't leave you. She did." I pointed at Dromeda. She stuck her tongue out at me, looking confused.

"You _did_ leave us. Don't deny it." Drom said in that really annoying voice she's always had, the stupid whiney _I'm-So-Much-Cleverer-Than-You_ one. It annoyed me so much I tried to cut her tongue out once. Unfortunately, Reggie came in and went screaming to Walburga. Stupid cousin…

Suddenly, Mother walked into my cell, through the wall connecting mine with Sirius'. She gestured for Drommie and Cissa to get up, and they did. They started walking out, but Cissy stopped and pointed at me. "What about Bella?" She asked of Mother.

"She's not coming with us. Forget her." Mother answered, before walking through, logically into Rod's cell, but I doubt that was the case. Drom and Cissy lagged behind; Drom smiled weakly at me before turning and following mother. Cissy waved her lollipop-mucky fingers at me, before skipping out the cell.

I don't really know what to make of it.

And _I_ left them? I didn't run off with a Mudblood! How dare Drom say _I_ left them? I don't understand. And since _when_ is hallucinating a side effect of Azkaban? Nobody said _anything_ about that.

Urgh. I'll sleep on it. I seem to sleep a lot nowadays.

Thursday 1st August '82

Today is the eleventh anniversary of Andromeda running away with that Mudblood. Don't look at me like that. I lost my sister; I'm allowed to be upset.

She never really said goodbye to me. She never came home from her seventh year at Hogwarts. She told Cissy to give Mother a letter, and that was it. She was gone. She didn't marry the Mudblood straight away. Waited until she was 20.

Cissy had to hold me back from marching over there and giving her a piece of my mind. The wildly psychotic Crucio-alcoholic piece of my mind, that is. Seriously, I could have used Avada Kedavra on her. That's how much I hate her guts…

I miss her.

The last line was kinda cute…

**The Bella/Voldy was an idea I had that was backed up by ****The Troublesome Two****. Thankyouthankyouthankyou.**

**Next chapter: Remus comes to visit! Especially for Holly Wolls… who hasn't discovered the use of the 'Go' button for three chapters now. FEEL BAD HOLLY!!**

**Yeah, what you may have gathered from my little moment of insanity is… I like reviews. Yes I do.**

**Oh, yeah, I've started to lengthen the gaps between days, because… writing about 14 years worth of Azkaban isn't very fun, and I doubt it's fun to read. So, yeah, is that ok with you lot?**

**Ellie xxxx**


	7. Arguments and Evesdropping

**Aloha! :D  
Here is the latest chapter of Twisted Diaries. I hope you enjoy it!!**

**If I were JKR, Harry Potter wouldn't be as good.**

**Oh, and a special thank you goes out to ****Sir Padius Sirifoot**** for two of the best reviews I've ever had. Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!**

**Yeah, the Remus/Sirius is in here for a friend of mine, in case you were wondering…**

**Part Seven**

Friday 8th November '82

One year. One bloody year, out of a lifetime, has passed. And all I did was sit in Azkaban. To think, _I _could be helping My Lord back to power. But _nooooo_, I _had_ to laugh insanely over the writhing, insane bodies of the Longbottoms, my victims, when I should have been finding a way to escape. (Note to self: Insane laughter attracts the attention of Aurors. Remember that.)

I'd help the Dark Lord get back to power, and once he ruled the wizarding world, with me at his side, he'd take me in his arms and tell me exactly how much I mean to him… yes… but I'm getting sidetracked…

But what have I done this year? I have sat. In this cell. Doing nothing. Well, _doing nothing_ isn't strictly true, I have been annoying Sirius, slowly loosing my sanity, gaining the figure of an anorexic, tried to kill my sister (again), got a reputation as a madwoman, had my deepest most darkest secret discovered by my _cousin_ of all people, discovered _his_ deepest most darkest secret, hallucinated, and generally was bored. Fun.

I need to talk to Sirius. "It's been a year, you know."

He sat up from where he had been lying on the floor and looked at me. His eyes looked odd, like… deadened. "Well, I've had more enjoyable years, it has to be said…"

I couldn't help but laugh. He laughed too, standing up to lean on the wall next to the Hole. "Me too." I said.

"Bella, your idea of fun is torturing people. And may I just say, you torture me very well. It must have been _slightly_ enjoyable for you." He grinned. Why are there no toothbrushes in Azkaban?

"And _you _don't think torturing people is fun? God knows you torture me enough." I grinned back, and I could tell by his face that my teeth were equally nasty. Ah, well. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, and a mouthful of rotten teeth for a mouthful of rotten teeth, as the old saying goes. Or, something like that.

"That is true. It must run in the family." Eh. That would explain Cissy. And Drom. And Regulus.

I leant very close, and whispered, "_Mooooooooony!_"

He grinned again, and this time my view was worse because I was closer. (I didn't know they served spinach here…?) "His Most _Faithful_." He whispered back, accentuating the 'faithful'.

I glared at him. "Touché." I muttered, stepping back. He ruffled my hair. Grrr. So I ruffled his, and he snarled at me, looking rather… _canine_. No idea what that's about… Then he grinned at me, and I stuck my tongue out, rather childishly.

"So, Belly-" Oh God! Not another nickname! '_Belly_'? It's worse than Trixie, and that's hard.

"Don't call me that." I snapped.

"Trixie?"

"Or that."

"Pick one. Belly or Trixie?"

"Bella."

"That wasn't an option…" He said in this really annoying singsong voice. "Belly or Trixie?"

I sighed. Damn you, Siri… "Trixie. Belly is just… horrible."

He grinned at me. "Belly it is then." I shoved his shoulder. He laughed. "Ok, _Trixie_, ok!"

"It's not Trixie."

"Yes it is."

"Shuddup."

He laughed again, and tweaked my nose. (He's loosing it.) "As I was saying, _dearest_ cousin, for just a year in this, err, _lovely _place you do look just a bit awful."

"You're not exactly the picture of good looks yourself." I said, looking him up and down. It was true: the boy the Gryffindor girls called their '_heartthrob' _has grown up to be a rather starved man with haunted eyes and matted hair. But I'm pretty sure the Slytherin slut who all the boys fancied has grown up to be a rather starved woman with equally haunted eyes and hair that is just… urgh. I don't even want to _think_ about it.

"But then again, Trixie, you never were that stunning in the first place." He laughed a little as he said that. I whacked him round the back of the head.

"Oh, shut up. Pot and kettle…"

"_Pot and kettle?_ Bella, all the girls _loved_ me."

"All the boys loved me."

"Yeah, well… the boys loved me too!"

"Hence dear old _Mooooooooony._"

"Oh, did the _girls_ love you as well? Cos that would explain You-Know-Who."

I screamed. How dare he? "The Dark Lord is not a- he isn't- I'm not…" Sirius burst out laughing. Stupid… I'll show him, I'll… I…

"Looks like I've found out _another_ of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Sane's little secrets! How many others are there? I love a good gossip…"

"Sirius, y- you dare to speak about the Dark Lord l-like that, you… in-insolent Blood Traitor, you…" I took a deep breath. "Sirius, if you ever, _ever_ say anything like that about the Dark Lord again, you will be functioning without a head. Are we clear?"

He looked at me, and realised I meant it. I must have looked quite scary, as he said, "Bella, it was a joke. No need to k-kill me over it."

"Good." I snapped, and turned to walk away, but a stone hit my back. I rounded on him again. "Sirius! What was that for?"

He shrugged, and threw another pebble at my nose. Damn his surprisingly good aim! Again, I probably look like a clown. Oh, joy of joys…

So, I picked up a rather large stone and chucked it at his head. Damn my surprisingly crap aim! He looks like a clown too, but it doesn't take a pebble in the nose to make him look like that.

"Aww, iddle widdle Belly's too weak to throw a rock at nasty ole' Siri."

THAT IS _MY_ BABY VOICE, DAMMIT!!

Oh, I hate him I hate him I hate him. One day, I will kill him. I will. One day. But for now, I will have to make do with shunning him. And throwing stuff at him. And glaring at him. Maybe that way he will realise how mean he's being and apologize…

Eh. It'll never work.

But still, only one year has passed. It feels like a centaury. But I will get through this. I have to. Just until the Dark Lord returns to power. Not long now. I will wait. I, alone, will wait for him. And when – yes, _when_ – he returns, I, Bellatrix Lestrange, will be there for him.

Saturday 10th January '83 

Today is a prime opportunity to find out stuff about Sirius that he doesn't want anyone to know, especially me. And why? Because today he has a visitor. And that visitor is called Remus Lupin, more commonly known as _Mooooooooony_.

He came in and said, "Pads?" Really quietly. _Pads_? What the hell is he on about? Sirius must have known what, because he jumped up – I could hear it – and ran to his cell door.

"Moony!" Hahaha. He called him Moony. _Mooooooooony_. Hahaha. "Oh, God, Moons, I've missed you so much."

"Sirius, did you do it?" Came Lupin's voice.

There was silence. "Do what?"

"Lily and James. Did you do it?" Lupin sounded as if he were going to cry. Pathetic weed…

"M-Moon… Remus, how could you think I did that? Would I ever do that? To Lily? To James –to _Prongs_? To Harry? My own Godson? Y-you're my best friend, and you don't trust me?" Sirius sounded as if he were going to cry too. Poor ickle Sirikins. What a weed… maybe it's just Gryffindors in general.

"Padfoot, you know I didn't mean it like that… I mean, everyone's saying it was you. You were convicted-"

"I didn't have a trial!"

"Sirius, please, just listen. I _know_ you would never do it. But you were _convicted_, and that's what matters. That's what everyone thinks. I'm sorry, Pads, I really am." Sirius didn't reply. I could hear him crying quietly. I don't know what to make of it. Lupin spoke again. "A-and you probably haven't heard about F-Frank. And Alice. They were-"

"I know, Moons, I've heard. She's over there." He must have been pointing at my cell… oh God oh God oh God. That was the last thing I wanted…

"S-sorry? Who's over there?" Don't Siri, please don't, pleasepleaseplease…

"Bella. Bellatrix Lestrange. It was her - she tortured them. Because of her stupid beliefs."

"I know. It was all over the papers. The three Lestranges and Crouch Jr. Crouch's dead now, I think." What? Barty's dead? No! Oh, _God_, how is he mean to 'come back for me' now? Nooooo!! "Yeah, he died in here just a few months after he came in." Woah, Barty died in Azkaban? No… yes! He faked his own death! Ha! Oh, Barty, I love you! Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou. You're a genius; you really are… now come back and get me already.

"Hear that, Bellabitch? Crouch's dead! Hopefully you'll be next!" Isn't he just so nice to me?

"Sirius… who are you talking to?" That was 'Moony'. Stupid Half-Blood, sticking his nose in our private cousinly business.

"Err, no one, Moons, long story. What took you so long?"

"Huh?" God, does this man have a brain? Probably not - he's a Gryffindor. And in _lurrve_ with Sirius.

"What took you so long? In coming to visit me? It's been over a year."

Lupin paused. There was silence, for a long while, until Rodolphus broke it. Screaming my name. And I'm not there to help him, to comfort him… "I didn't… trust you." Lupin said really quietly to Sirius.

"W-what?" He was crying again. I could hear it. Poor thing… I mean, stupid weed. Pfft!

"Sirius, I thought you did. Tell He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named about, y'know, Lily and James."

"But I _didn't_! I would rather _die_ than betray my friends! **((A/N: Yeah, that's a line from the 3****rd**** movie, I know…)) **Rem…? Moony, how could you ever _think_ for a moment that I would?"

"Sirius, we've been through this…"

"Don't you remember? The _Marauders_!" What the hell? The Marauders? _What?_

"Of course I remember, Pads! How could I forget?"

"Moony!"

"What?"

"Moony, W-Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs! The Marauders! Me, you, James and, and… a-and…"

"Peter. You, me, James and P-"

"DON'T SAY IT! DON'T MENTION THE TRAITOR IN FRONT OF ME!!" Wait, does he mean traitor as in…?

"Traitor? Sirius, Wormy definitely wasn't the Traitor."

"HE WAS!! Rem, we didn't tell you, w-we though _you_ might b-be the…"

"Pads, he _wasn't _the Traitor. You need to calm down. I… I know this place can't be good for your mental health, but it's ok. I understand."

"NO!! You _don't _understand! Remus, he's working for You-Know-Who!" Oh God oh God oh God, he does know… Only the most loyal Death Eaters were trusted to know about him! (So, naturally, I was the first choice) Nooooo, this is not good. Not good at all...

"Is that why you killed him?" Lupin said very, very quietly.

There was silence, again. "K-Killed him? I never… Peter? Killed Peter? No, no, no… Remus, he changed! Into Wormtail, into a rat, and ran away! I never killed anyone! Not Lily, not Prongs, not Peter… How…? Rem, do you not believe me?"

There was a huge sigh, probably Lupin's. "Sirius, Padfoot, listen to me. Please! The story they told the press, well, it adds up, you see? And your story… doesn't. I… Sirius, I have to believe the other story."

"You think I killed them." Siri whispered. "You do, don't you?"  
"Sirius, you know my views on the matter-"

"REMUS! NO!! W-why…? R-Remus, I love you! I really do! But, you hate me, you – you think I killed them! You think I'm a bloody Death Eater! You think I'm so cowardly that I'd sell out my best friend, my best friend's wife and my own _Godson_! Peter!! Peter did it! Why don't you believe me?"

"Sirius, it's not like that-"

"Well what is it like then? What? Go on, Remus, you were always the smart one! Tell me what it is like!"

Lupin was still, very unsuccessfully, trying to calm my poor cousin down. Wait, _poor cousin_? I mean, stupid egotistical prat of a cousin. Yes. "Padfoot, I've already told you-"

"Alrigh', yer time's up. C'mon, Mr… Lupin sir, visiting hour's over." Came the gruff voice of the guard who had tried to 'seduce', if you can really call it that, me before my trial.

"But-" Came Lupin's voice. "Sirius, listen, I love you, honestly I do, but I have to believe what they say! Please!"

"You heard him, Remus. Visiting time's over." Sirius said. We could hear the sounds of Lupin walking away in a stunned stupor. I stood up at that point, and sauntered over to the wall.

Sirius was standing there, with his head against the wall opposite the door. His eyes were red and puffy. He looked heartbroken. It was too good an opportunity to miss.

"So, _dearest cousin_, are you going to divorce poor old _Mooooooooony,_ or what?" I said.

It came out of nowhere: suddenly he had turned around and his fist had slammed into my nose. It hurt; blood spurted through my fingers and I could feel the break. "You broke my nose! You bloody id-"

But before I could say any more, his hand had grabbed the front of my prison robes, and he yanked me towards him. "Don't you ever, ever, say anything about Remus like that again, got that, you stupid bitch?"

Before I could answer, he had shoved me back from him, and turned away. I fell on the floor, still clutching my broken nose. "Sirius, you broke my nose!"

"Just be glad it wasn't your neck!" He yelled back, his voice thick with tears.

I stood up and walked over to the hole, spitting blood out of my mouth as I did so. I must have looked quite demented with blood running down my face like that. "Sirius," I said, reaching out a hand, "Siri, I'm sorry. It was a joke. I didn't…"

He turned back to me and met my gaze. The tears were coming now, thick and fast. "G-go away, Bell- Bella."

I ignored him. "Siri, come over here."

He sniffed, but came over to me anyway. Then I hugged him. Urgh, I know. Don't tell anyone about this. "It's ok, Sirius."

He sniffed again, his head on my shoulder. "But I love him, Bella." He murmured into my neck. I could feel his tears drop onto my shoulder. Eww.

"I know." I said. What an idiot, he believes in _love_? The Dark Lord says there is no such thing as love, so obviously there isn't. Durh.

"And now he hates me." He sniffed again. Oh God, tears are one thing, but if he starts dripping snot on me then I may have to put my foot down. That would be disgusting.

I just kept on hugging him. I knew that whatever I said would come out wrong, and he'd just break another part of my body. Violent little man.

"Because he thinks I'm a Death Eater, and that I… I _ratted _Lily and James out to You-Know-Who. You know I didn't kill them, right?" God, he sounds like a three-year-old. Eh. Must be one of the side effects of Azkaban.

"Of course you didn't kill them! You don't have the g-" I never finished my sentence. I did not want to risk more pain at the hands of my cousin.

He sniggered slightly, and hiccupped. "Don't have the guts to kill anyone? More like have the conscience to feel bad about it!"

"Consciences are overrated." I said, grinning despite myself.

He stood up and wiped his nose on a corner of his dirty, ragged prison robe and managed a weak smile. "I… I'm sorry about your nose, Bella."

I shrugged. "It's ok. I'll… get the guard to heal it, or something. Just… don't tell anyone I was nice to you. Reputations, you know, a lifetime to build, seconds to destroy." **((A/N: And that was a quote from Stardust…))**

"I suppose I could do that much." He smiled, before lying down on the floor. "T-thanks, Trix- Bella."

I smiled back, and went to get my nose fixed. He started snoring all of two seconds later.

I wasn't being _nice_ to Sirius, I was just… erm… oh, ok fine, I _was_ being nice to him, but it will never happen again. EVER.

I'm planning for Chapter 10 of this to be Siri's escape, so they'll be only a few more chapters with no plotlines. I'm going to continue this all the way to the Final Battle in Book 7…

**Review if you liked it. Review if you didn't… but I can tell you which option I'd prefer to hear.**

**Ellie xxxx**


	8. Operation Escape

**Heya. XD.**

**Got to post this really quickly – I have three minutes until my laptop is confiscated…**

**Disclaimer: I am not JKR.**

**To ****Rose-Jane-Anne**** – I can see what you mean, and yeah, it's a good idea, but you just happened to pick one of my least favourite pairings. Sorry. :(. Thanks so much for always reviewing, though :D**

**Enjoy.**

**Part Eight**

Saturday 14th February '84

Now I come to think about it, Valentines Day never brought me much good. But his has to take the cake, really.

I shouldn't be crying. It's bad for my evil-to-the-core image, but I can't help it. Sirius has long since given up trying to comfort me, and the bunnies don't seem to have anything to say. For once.

It was about an hour ago I heard the news. The night-guard and the day-guard were swapping shifts, and stopped to chat, like they do every day. Usually, I ignore them; they usually waffle on about some 'Mundungus Fletcher' getting sued by the Ministry, whoever he is.

But today, I heard them say 'Lestrange'.

"Lestrange, you say? You mean that bloke who sounds like he's named after some foreign city… What is it again?" That was the night-guard. I didn't like him. Well, I wasn't the day-guards biggest fan either, now it comes to that…

"Rabastan Lestrange, you mean?" The day-guard's rough, low voice carried through the air. I shoved my head into the pile of straw I was trying to imagine into a nice, comfy pillow, but they still kept talking. "Nah, it's not him. One of the married ones-"

"You mean that nutcase in there?" He jerked his head towards my cell.

"Which one's that?"

"The whore. Y'know, used to be beautiful, Black family and all that."

_Used _to be beautiful?? _Used to_?? How dare he! He doesn't exactly have the looks! But _used to be beautiful…_has Azkaban affected me that badly? I need a mirror, badly. I wonder if Sirius has one…? Eh, no. It'd probably crack as soon as he looked in it… And I am not a whore!! Well, not any more…

"Nah, not that one. Her husband. French. Screams a lot." Lovely. Just_ lovely._

"Oh, you mean… Rodolphus. Yeah, what about him?"

"Didn't you 'ear? Dementor attack. Really quite bad. Fatal, nearly. They had to move him over the other side. You should a' seen him, Bert. Pale as a sheet, 'e was, an' tremblin' all over. Won't make it into the summer, if ya ask me."

The tears were falling thick and fast now. Rodolphus. Dementor attack. Pale as a sheet. Won't make it to the summer.

I heard the clanking of chains and the rustles of a tattered robe on the floor before I felt the coldness. I suppose the Dementors love this. I've just heard that my husband will die. They couldn't be happier.

Sunday 15th February '84

Must not think about Rodolphus, or Dementors will come again, but the whole 'used to be beautiful' thing is annoying me. I mean, I'm _obviously_ one of the most beautiful women ever… it can't have changed that quickly, can it? So, for some reason, I asked my cousin.

"Sirius, you know I used to be stunningly, amazingly, inhumanly, breathtakingly beautiful and all…"

He rolled his eyes, for some reason, and looked up at me from where he was lying on the floor. "Say what you're going to say, Bella."

"Well – and I want you to tell me the truth here – am I still as beautiful as I was then?"

He burst out laughing. Honestly, you'd think I'd just said something stupid. "Good one, Bella. Good one."

"Good what?" I asked. God, he's insane.

He stopped laughing and just stared at me as if I was mad. "You _are_ joking, right?"

I shook my head. Why would I joke about something this important?

He looked at me with wide eyes. I stared back. He got onto his feet, and sauntered over to the hole where I was standing. "Bella, honey, think before you open your mouth, ok?"

What the Hell is that meant to mean?

About a month later

Rodolphus is ok. He's fine. He survived, thank God. He's all right. They've moved him down to a different cell, where there are less Dementors, and they let me see him today. I was just lying in my cell, contemplating the meaning of life, when some guard I've never seen before opens my door and handcuffs my wrists together, dragging me to my feet and out of the door.

"Where the Hell do you think you're taking me, scum?" I asked, sneering at him.

He stopped, turning around and facing me. "I'm scum, am I, whore? I'm not tha' one 'oo went around killin' innocent people, nah, was I?"

I glared at him, badly wanting to say 'yes, yes you are scum', but I decided it was best to keep quiet. He didn't look like the gentlest of men; I'll say that now.

But then he continued – "We're takin' ya to yer husband. Once every month, 'usbands an wives getta see each other."

_Once a month?_ It's been THREE YEARS and the only way I've had any contact with him is because this place's falling down!

But yes, I was taken to this room where Rodolphus was already waiting. The guard shut the door behind us, saying something about half an hour, and then there was silence.

I threw myself at him, tears streaming down my cheeks. I could feel every bone in his body. He picked me up, only to put me back down again – he was far too weak. But I didn't care. I stood on my tiptoes (he always was very tall) and pressed my lips to his. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me flush against him. I hadn't seen him in so long. I'd missed him so much.

He pulled back after a while, looking down at me and stroking my cheek. He sat in the corner of the room, and pulled me onto his lap. I leaned against his chest. "Are you alright?" I asked.

"I'm fine, Belle, I'm fine. Just a bad reaction to the Dementors, that's all. They've moved me away now. There are less Dementors, but no beautiful woman to light up my day. But, it seems I've snared myself one here, so I'm not complaining." See, Roddy thinks I'm beautiful. "How about you?"

"I'm… as well as can be expected." I shrugged, looking up at him and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"You're too thin." He protested, sliding his hands down my body, fingers tracing every bone.

"You can talk, Roddy." I countered, laying my hands on his chest. I could have counted his ribs.

He kissed my temple, one hand winding into my hair. I sniffed loudly, and he pulled my head back gently. "Hey, hey…" He said, cupping my face in both of his hands and kissing away my tears. "Don't cry. We'll both get through this. I know we will." I buried my face in his chest. He had one had on my back and the other in my hair. "I love you, Belle." He whispered as he pressed his lips to the top of my head.

I nodded, looking up and shifting so we were face-to-face. "I love you too." I said as our lips met.

It felt so good to be with him again. Even if we were being watched, and even if we only had half an hour together, it was such a relief to know that he was ok, and I know he thought the same.

It was the best half-hour I've had for three years. We talked for a while, like we used to, and for a moment I was back in Lestrange Manor, with Rodolphus, sitting on the balcony and drinking tea with Firewhisky. I remembered the smell of the garden, the house, Rodolphus. I remembered climbing into his lap. I remembered what it felt like _not _to be starving, _not_ to be plagued by your worst memories all the time.

When the guards came back in, I was grabbed first and yanked away from him. He mouthed 'I love you' at me as he was dragged to the left and I to the right.

I'm now lying on my floor, thinking everything over. Once a month. That can't be too bad. Sure, I can think of things I'd rather be doing, but it's a start.

Sometime in Autumn, '87

The once a month thing was laughable. I haven't seen him since. Did I honestly ever think that would happen? But… what if something's happened to him? What if the Dementor… k-kissed him? What if he died… starved…? I don't want to think about it… No. No. H-He's ok. He's ok.

I'm loosing the will to live. I can't _bear _it in here. Something has to be done. I am going to get out of here. I'm going to escape. Moo ha. And Siri, being the idiot he is, won't know _anything_. Because he's an idiot. So, the plan of action is… is… non-existent. Ok, fine, I admit it; I don't _have_ a plan of action. But I'm going to escape. Somehow. Even though no one's ever managed to escape Azkaban before, I will do it.

Aha! I have it! I will think of my worst memories when a Dementor comes in to give me my food. He will be so distracted that he leaves the door open, and I will crawl out. The Dementors won't know what hit them.

_Three hours later…_

Ah. This sucks. I appear to be hanging upside-down by my ankles. Back in Azkaban. Yeah, my plan failed.

The Dementor came in with my food, so I immediately thought of Rodolphus and the day the Dark Lord fell. Of course, the Dementor froze, taking a deep breath. At this point, I was freezing, but I managed to crawl on my stomach past him.

I, somehow, made it past the Dementor, and kicked the door shut behind me. The Dementor was trapped in my cell. Haha. I got to my feet and looked around. It was a very long corridor, I noticed now. But never mind that, I had to find my way out of here…

I turned right, passing Sirius' cell, sticking my tongue out at him as I did so. He jumped to his feet. "Jesus Christ, Bella, how the Hell did you get out?"

"MYOB, dearest cousin." I said, tapping the side of my nose with my finger. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have an escape to complete." And I walked on.

"Wait, Bella!" He called after me.

I stopped and turned back to him. "Yes, Siri?" I asked in my sweetest voice. Yeah, I know, it's not kidding anyone, but I know it winds him up, so I never stop using it. I know. I'm evil. Of course, if you didn't know that by now, then you've got to be really stupid, even for a piece of paper.

"Bella, could you… could you free me, too? Please Bella, I can't-" He was actually _begging_. _Begging_. Ha. I will never let him live this down.

I snorted. "Dream on, Siri. Part of the _joy_ of escaping Azkaban will be knowing that you're still in here, suffering." And with that, I turned and strode off, feeling rather proud of myself.

I actually couldn't believe that I had escaped. Now I could get to more important things like annoying Cissy and stealing Lucius' shampoo. And helping the Dark Lord escape, of course.

When I reached another corridor, I walked straight into it. It was then that it occurred to me that I hadn't thought this out very well, because I'd just walked into a hallway full of guards. Yes, that might be where my ingenious plan went wrong…

There was silence for what seemed like hours, until suddenly - "GET HER!!" They screamed, running at me. I turned on my heel and ran as fast as I could away from them. Unfortunately, the fact that I was barefoot and that I haven't eaten a proper meal for about six years slowed me down. But I still ran. And ran. And ran. And ran. God, this place is like a bloody maze…

I have always had a habit of running into walls. I swear they're doing it to me on purpose. Like once, I was walking around Hogwarts, and then BAM, this wall appeared out of nowhere. Of course, Drommie said that it had been there since day one, but Drommie is an idiot. Like Sirius. Just look at her husband. Eurgh.

Yes, but anyway, I ran headfirst into a wall. The next thing I knew, I was dangling by my ankles. Back in my cell. "Bugger."

"Plan didn't go as expected, Belly?" Sirius said.

I turned my head to look at him. He was sitting with his elbows on the bottom of the hole, head propped up on his hands, with an annoying smirk on his face. "Shuddup." I answered.

"I could so see this coming. You never have been able to think ahead more than about two seconds."

"Oh, you could _so see this coming_, could you? Then what was all the _'Free me, too Bella, get me out of here…'_ stuff about?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, I wanted to get out of here. And so did you. I thought playing the innocent helpless damsel in distress to you would do it. Obviously, I'll remember to try it on someone who actually has a heart next time."

"I have a heart!" I argued, although I know what he was saying is probably true…

"Yeah, sure you do." He snorted. "Name one person you care about."

Ooh. That's a hard one. I paused, before the perfect answer hit me. "Myself."

He just stared at me. "That doesn't count."

"What? I'm a person too, aren't I?"

It was then that he paused. "Damn." I sniggered. But he decided to change the subject, which was probably wise. He's always had a habit of digging himself into holes. "So, what happens next in Operation Escape, huh, Bells? Ooh, how about seducing the guard. That one's never been used before… NOT."

"Seducing the guard!! Why didn't I think of that?" I could have kicked myself, but, obviously, my ankles are chained seven foot above the floor, so I can't.

"Bella, I wasn't actually being serious, y'know. Everyone does that in all the movies. There's this really beautiful girl and she snogs the face off the guard and grabs the keys off him."

"So I _am _beautiful!" I screamed, grinning somewhat insanely. Ok, so maybe _a lot_ insanely. I just refuse to believe otherwise.

"Keep thinking that, Trixie. Keep thinking that." If I hadn't been chained five feet away from him, I would have hit him really hard for calling me 'Trixie'. But, obviously, I can't.

Now Sirius seems to be humming some sort of tune. Thanks God it's not Celestina Warbeck. But it is really annoying. "Sri, what are you humming?"

"James Bond." What – _who _– the Hell is James Bond? I asked him that. He looked at me as if I was mad. Don't say anything. "James Bond, Bella. _James Bond_. Goldfinger? Goldeneye? Ian Fleming? Ring any bells?"

I shook my head. He smacked his head with his palm. "They're Muggle books, Bella. **((A/N: Were the movies out in the 1980s? I think the books were. Just… pretend the books were... XD)) **But of course,you won't have anything to do with Muggles, will you? You just stick with Crucio-ing the crap out of them."

"Yeah, what's wrong with that?"

He looked at me as if I was mad again. Shush, you! "Bella, torturing Muggles is not good."

"Well, I do also torture Half-Bloods, Mudbloods, and _Blood Traitors_." I emphasised, glaring at him. He grinned at me. Eh. My head is REALLY starting to hurt now, seeing as I've been hanging upside-down for what feels like days. It's probably only hours, but oh well.

Everything's going black. Ow. My head really kills… It feels like the time I let the Dark Lord's coffee go cold, so he Crucioed me so much I was really dizzy and walked straight into a wall.

Straight into a wall. Hmm. Why do walls always get me into these sort of predicaments? Do they have something against me?

A few days later. Or maybe a few weeks. I'm not really sure. It's been a while, seeing as I'm not longer upside-down. Well, it's getting colder, so I'm assuming it's sometime in Winter, '87

Haha. Sirius tried to escape today. You'll never guess what he did. He tried to seduce the guard. Haha. Haha, Sirius, haha.

I hoped you liked that chapter. When I first finished it, it was three pages long, and I usually try to get to five, so I added a bit of random stuff… However, the next chapter actually has a plot. –gasp- I know.

**Now, repeat after me – I want to review. I want to review. I want to review. Oh, well, if that's the case, don't let me keep you :)**

**Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed :D**

**xxxx**


	9. Family Reunions

**I promised I'd update in September, and so, on the first exactly you get your chapter. :D**

**I got back from the USA/Canada about half an hour ago, but I wrote this beforehand. I'm actually really proud of this chapter, I think it's one of the best I've written. I hope you like it.**

**Cygnus Black, father of Bella, Drom and Cissy, did die in 1992. I've had this idea since the beginning of this fic. RIP Cyggy. –sob-**

**Hell yeah, I'm JKR. That's why I'm brunette (and proud), thirteen, and spend my life on .**

**Enjoy!**

**Part Nine**

Late '88/early '89

Is it too much to ask for hygiene in this place?

17th August '92

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. This is terrible, in a sort of good way. Still, atleast I know the date now. Cissa told me.

Yes, Cissy came. And Drommie. It really was quite amazing. But it's typical, isn't it? You wait eleven years for a visitor and then two come along at once.

Eleven years. I kind of started to lose sense of time a while ago. Days would melt into other days, months into months, and I was just, sort of… detached from it all.

So, anyway, I am lying on the floor, staring at what used to be the bunnies (did I not tell you? There was a storm a while ago. I now have a smallish hole in my ceiling. Unfortunately it kind of killed Barty and nameless, and started a rather annoying leak) when I heard the sound of high heels walking along the corridor outside. This sort of disturbed me. Had the night-guard finally lost it?

But then – "This is 'er, Missis Malfoy, Missis Tonks. Be warned, she's a li'l bit loopy." Oh, how I _love _these guards. Not. There was the sound of a key turning in a lock, and the door opened.

We stared at each other, or rather, I stared at them and they stood there waiting for me to say something. Cissy was, of course, wearing the high heels. Andromeda was wearing some disgusting Muggle shoes. She would.

Eventually, Narcissa spoke. "Bella, we've come to tell you, erm… are you… ok?"

"Yeah, Cissy, never been better. I've only been locked up in here for over a decade, something you didn't help with, next to _Sirius_ who, in case you were wondering, still thinks my name is _Trixie_, only to have Rodolphus get attacked by Dementors and moved to the other side of Azkaban." Ooh, I can be sarcastic when I want to be.

Dromeda snorted. I glared at her. She glared back. I opened my mouth to turn my sarcastic-ness on her, but Cissy cut me off. "Ha, ha, Bella, very funny. Hilarious. Now could you please shut up so I can get on with this? Lucius and I promised Draco we'd take him to Quality Quidditch whatever to buy him the newest broom so he can get on the team. He was so angry when Potter got on the team and he didn't last year…"

I frowned. "Draco's at Hogwarts? Already?"

She nodded, leaning against the wall. "He's grown so fast. Second year in September. Slytherin, of course, not that we expected anything else."

Dromeda shifted slightly at this, trying to look casual, but I could tell she was bursting to either smack us both or say something. Cissa tilted her head to the side. "What about your daughter… what's her name? What house?"

Drommie shifted again, picking at her nails now. "_Nymphadora_ has left Hogwarts now." She said stiffly.

"Yeah, but what house was she in?" I asked, shifting so I was sitting against the opposite wall.

There was a silence, until – "Hufflepuff."

Cissy and I both snorted with laughter. "Typical." I said.

Dromeda stood up straight. You could practically see the steam coming out of her ears. "I'll have you two know that she's well on her way to becoming an Auror!" We stopped. An Auror. The Half-Blood brat is going to be an Auror. That was… annoyingly good.

Luckily, Sirius joined the conversation (I never thought I'd say that…) so we didn't have to answer Dromeda. "Hello, girls. Is this a family reunion, then? Why wasn't I invited?"

"You were burned off the family tree. You don't count." I snapped.

He jerked his thumb at Andromeda. "So was she. And she's here."

That shut me up. Dromeda smirked. I glared at her. "And what the Hell are you wearing, Drommie?" She was currently sporting some Muggle jeans and some red jacket under her cloak. Urgh.

She sneered. "Says the woman wearing a _potato sack_." Grrr.

"Oh, for God's sake, will you two cut it out for once?" Cissy snapped, glancing at the elaborate solid-gold watch on her wrist. Encrusted with diamonds. No doubt it's another little gift from that prick I have to call a brother-in-law. Probably costs more than Andromeda's entire house. "Bella, last week… last week, something happened, which puts us in this position. I swear, I have no other reason to be in this dump-"

"What about the reason of visiting your lovely elder sister?" I said, looking pointedly at both of them.

"Cut it out now, Bella. Sirius, this doesn't involve you. Go away." Dear God, the way she acted was like she was made out of ice. "Bella, listen, Daddy's dead." I blinked. That was unexpected. When I didn't say anything, she carried on. "So we're here to execute his will. He planned to leave us each four hundred thousand galleons."

She stopped, like she was waiting for someone to say something. There was a huge pause, until Dromeda broke it – "_F-four hundred thousand galleons?"_

Cissa frowned. "It's not that much, Drommie."

But Dromeda was just gaping at her. "Bells, have you heard this…?" She managed to splutter out, looking at me. I just shrugged. Four hundred thousand isn't really all that much. She looked completely gob smacked at my reaction. "Four hundred… B-Bella… Cissy, how can you…?"

I couldn't help laughing. "Jesus Christ, Dromeda. _It isn't all that much. _Rodolphus has bought me _earrings _that cost more than that…" As I said the last part, I noticed Narcissa covered up her ear with her annoyingly easy-to-brush hair. I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. "Speaking of earrings, Cissy, what ones do you have on today?"

She made a small noise in the back of her throat. I glared at her for a long time. Eventually she snapped. I've always managed to get her to tell me the truth. It's rather useful. "Yes, ok, they're the ones Rodolphus bought you. But come on, you have a life sentence in Azkaban, you're not going to need them! It's not like you're gonna escape or anything…"

"Gee, thanks for the support." I said sarcastically, before deciding to change the subject before it got out of hand and she started crying. I was not in the mood for having a hysterical baby sister that I had to comfort.

I lay down on the floor on my side. "Cissy, transfer the money to the Lestrange account for me, would you? I'd do it myself, but, for obvious reasons, I can't."

She snorted. "And just why would I do that?"

At this point, I was very confused. "What…? If it's my money…"

She laughed. "Oh, but it's not your money. Didn't you… don't you understand?" She asked, looking from me, to Dromeda, and back again with a confused expression. "Y-you don't…?"

We both shook our heads. She laughed again. "Oh, God… Well, Daddy left us four hundred thousand each, _but_ – this is the good bit – _but_, Bella has a life sentence in Azkaban, which means that the Ministry doesn't allow her to receive any money, and you, Drommie, have been burnt off the family tree, so…" Oh, God, please say she wasn't going to say what I thought she was going to… "So, my dear sisters, _I_, being the only daughter with _any_ claim to the money, get all of it. Twelve hundred thousand galleons. And that, Andromeda, _is_ a lot."

Sirius let off a low whistle behind me. I threw a rock at him, and he shrunk down, muttering 'fine, fine, have it your way'. I heard his snores about a second later.

Standing up, I started over towards Narcissa, trying to school my face into the same expression I wore whilst interrogating the Longbottoms. "Narcissa, you mean… to tell me… that you have just _robbed me_… of four thousand galleons?" I stopped, standing right in front of her.

She thought for a minute, before – "Well not exactly _robbed_; I just used my brain. Something you need to learn to do, Bellatrix. Besides, what good will four thousand galleons do you? What would you spend it on, new _potato sacks_?"

I glared at her. Then Dromeda joined in our jolly little conversation. Poor ickle Drommie, the financially challenged out of the three of us, because she married that broke Mudblood. She put her hand on Cissa's arm. "Cissy… Cissa… I don't want to sound desperate for money here, but I could use the four hundred thousand right now. Dora's Auror training isn't exactly cheap, and, well…"

"I thought you didn't take loans, especially not from us?" I snapped. Oh, God, why did I remind her of those days? The days when I used to send her money to keep her and her Mudblood going. (Why did I even do that??) Then one day she sent the cheque back with a letter saying she didn't want any more funding.

"Bella, not now. Please." She said, before shoving me out of the way slightly with her arm. "Cissy, please, you're already rolling in it. And besides, you can always steal some of Bella's, can't you? What would she do about it: she has a _life-sentence_, remember?"

Narcissa nodded slowly. "I suppose…"

I shoved Dromeda out of the way. "Narcissa, you aren't actually considering this, are you?"

She shrugged. "You _do_ have a life sentence… and you have no idea how fun it is to watch you two beg me for money."

"I am not begging you for money!!" Andromeda and I said at the same time. I turned round to face her. "Oh, you're not, are you? What was all the _begging_, then? _Please Cissy, please, I need your money because my filthy Half-Blood brat of a daughter is c-_" I didn't even get to finish my sentence, because she'd slapped me round the face, hard.

She grabbed the collar of my Azkaban robe (or 'potato sack', as she would say) and pulled my face close to hers. "Don't you _ever, EVER _talk about her like that again, do you hear me? _Don't you dare_!" She snarled.

I felt Cissy's arm slide around my waist and her fingers undo Andromeda's from my neck, and she pulled us apart. "Bella, that was uncalled for; Drommie, don't rise so easily. You know how she gets." She looked down at where her arm was still around my waist, holding me back from Drom. "Jesus Christ, you're thin, Bella. What do they feed you in this place… and do you eat it?"

I shrugged. "It can hardly be called 'food' anyway." I said, trying to wriggle free, but she was stronger than me. Because _she _has a husband who _isn't_ insane and who feeds her and a son and her perfect little life, which, she's decided, I can't be a part of because she can't be bothered to make the teensy little journey from Wiltshire to the North Sea and back again like… once a week to see me. I'd do it if the roles were reversed. Probably just because watching Cissy in Azkaban would be hilarious, but there you go…

She looked at me sternly. "Bellatrix, you need to eat."

I finally managed to get out of her vice-like grip. "Oh, well, sorry, _Mother_."

She glared at me. "Oh, shut up, Bellatrix. You're the oldest, you probably sound the most like Mother."

Dromeda shook her head. "Nah. The old hag doesn't have the same insane quality as our dear sister." She mused, reaching up her hand to brush a strand of my horrid, unwashed hair out of my face.

"I'm NOT insane!" I protested, stamping my foot like a child.

"Sure…" They both said at the same time, each raising an eyebrow sceptically. In unison. Well, they did look practically identical when we were little. Isn't it ironic that the further apart Drom and I grew the closer we grew in looks?

"Anyway…" I said, trying to turn the conversation away from my (admittedly questionable) sanity. "Do you have any chocolate, Drommie?" I asked, holding out my hand.

She rolled her eyes, but she opened her handbag anyway. "You gave her _chocolate_?" Narcissa asked, disbelieving. "But you're meant to _hate_ her."

"I do." She assured her, while handing the chocolate to me. Aww, damn, it was Turkish delight. Urgh. Oh, well, it's better than nothing.

I scoffed it down, while managing to say, "I hate you too" to Andromeda. Narcissa was looking at me, disgusted.

"Well, if that's the case, I'll have my chocolate back." She said, raising both her eyebrows and holding out her hand. I held it tighter and snarled at her, baring my teeth in an animalistic way. She smirked, satisfied.

"Dear God, Bellatrix, have you ever head of _table manners_?" Narcissa asked, repulsed as I licked the melted chocolate from my fingers and ripped open the wrapper so I could lick up every last bit of it.

"I don't see a table, do you?" I asked, gesturing around my lovely, cosy little cell. She rolled her eyes, and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like _'you know what I meant, you stupid little psycho…'_ I glared at her, and went to sit back in my corner.

When I started eating the wrapper, they both stared at me like I was mad. "What?" I asked.

"You'd better go get that off her before she chokes to death." Cissa told Drommie, nodding towards me.

"And that would be a bad thing?" Andromeda muttered under her breath, but came over to me anyway, holding out her hand again. When I didn't respond, she clicked her fingers impatiently. I growled at her, so she grabbed the wrapper from between my teeth and yanked it away from me. Then she held her hand out again. I glared at her, but spat the little bit of wrapper I had in my mouth into her hand. "Thank you." She glared back, and held the wrapper between her finger and thumb. God, it can't be that bad, can it? I've only gone without brushing my teeth for… ok, good point…

"Erm… can I sit down?" Dromeda asked once she had wrapped the wrapper in a tissue and shoved it in her bag, looking around. When Narcissa looked at her incredulously, she shrugged. "Well we _are_ going to be here for a long time!" She protested.

"Yeah, sure. This bit's comfiest," I said, pointing to the bit where I was sitting. "But you can't sit here. No Blood-Traitors are allowed on the comfy bit."

"Oh, I'm _heartbroken._" She snapped sarcastically, sitting down cross-legged opposite me, by the door, wrinkling her nose. Yeesh, it doesn't stink _that_ much in here… does it?

"But _Cissy_ can sit on the comfy bit." I sneered. Drom sneered back, and I wondered if she's ever met Snape before.

Narcissa snorted with laughter. She looked at me, grinning, but her face fell when she saw my serious expression. "You were serious?" I nodded. "Oh." She said, looking sheepish.

"Just sit down, Narcissa. It's hurting my neck having to look up at you." Andromeda snapped, whacking Cissy's leg. "Those heels have got to hurt. You can't say standing up for ever."

Cissa rolled her eyes. "Fine." She said, and sat on Drommie's lap.

"Why are you sitting on my lap??"

"Well, you can't expect me to sit on the floor, can you? It's all disgusting and _dirty_. And I can't sit on Bella, because she's just as bad, or worse. So I sit on you. You're ok, you're wearing some crap Muggle clothes, but _I'm _wearing the five thousand galleon set of robes bought especially before they've even hit the shops. Lucius got it for me. Along with this really gorgeous necklace, it's all-"

"Cissy." I interrupted. "Shut up."

"_Thank you_, Bella!!" Dromeda held her arms out to me in a kind of thanks. Unfortunately, the wedding ring she wore caught the light. Grrr. The ring, of course, reminded me of Mudbloods. And Blood-Traitors. And annoyingly-successful-spawn-of-said-Mudblood-and-Blood-Traitor.

Cissy glared at me. "Just because you're wearing a potato sack, Frizzball."

"I am not a _Frizzball,_ and it is not a _potato sack_."

With that, the door opened. "Visitin' time's over, ladies." Said the guard. He looked like he'd run into a wall. Well, I suppose the Dementors have an effect on everyone…

Cissy got up off Dromeda's lap. "You have a really bony bum, Cissa…" Andromeda whined as she herself stood up. "Bye, then, Bells." She said to me, holding up her hand with a weak smile.

Cissy smiled too, before she glanced at her watch again. "Oh my God! I'm late! I _have _to get Drakie this broom, or he'll be _so _upset… Hurry up, Andromeda, I need to get going!"

"I worry about her." Dromeda said to me, grinning. I grinned back. "But yeah, I have to go too. I promised I'd help Dora move her stuff into her new _Auror_ office. _Auror_ office. Because she is an _Auror_."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, yeah, we get it. Go away now. Leave me to my, err… pondering." I said, waving a hand.

They both turned the corner, but then Drommie stuck her head back into view. "And I meant what I said last time I was here, Bellatrix. If you _ever, EVER _hurt either of them – Ted or Nymphadora – then I will not hesitate to kill you. Got that?"

I stared at her. Cissy's hand came into view, too, and fisted in Drommie's hair, yanking her along.

Then the door shut, and I was alone.

**So… did you like it? Leave me a review and tell me. Reviews are my life. I'm just sad like that :).**

**Ellie x**


	10. How To Wind Up A Reporter

**Greetings, earthlings.**

**Chapter ten is here. Lettuce all be amazed at the fact that ****Ellie has actually updated!!**** I know. It's a miracle!**

**I'm sooooooooooo sorry about the long update thingy, but school has started and the homework pile is just getting bigger and bigger. And bigger.**

**Erm… so yeah… adieu. Enjoy. Eat pie.**

**Part Ten**

Sometime in 1993. Spring? Summer? Something like that…

Sirius seems oddly happy. I'm worried. Should I be scared? I wouldn't put I past him to prank me, even in Azkaban. On the other hand, though, it's certainly keeping the Dementors away, and I will never complain of that.

"Hello, Bella." He said, practically bouncing over to the Hole. He looked demented. His eyes were really wide open, and he had this idiotic smile plastered on his face.

"What do you want, Sirius?" I asked, trying to remember the very nice dream I had been having, due to the lack of Dementors. It went something like… I was at home, with Roddy, in bed, and he was… err, yes… I think even a bit of parchment can guess where it went from there.

"I'm happy, Bella." He announced, still with that stupid grin on his face. Jesus, how old was he? Five?

"Jesus, how old are you? Five?" I asked, trying to get back into the nice comfy position I had been in. A bit sideways… ow, ow, that hurts my hip…

"_Six_, actually, I'm _six_." He protested, somehow frowning and pouting like an idiot all the while keeping that stupid smile on his face. He looked like a complete moron. A bit like Regulus, actually…

I just rolled my eyes. "Leave me alone, Siri. Go… do something… Sirius-y." I snapped.

He laughed, again with his really-quite-pathetic-psychotic-laugh-which-I-could-beat-with-my-eyes-closed-even-though-you-don't-need-your-eyes-open-to-laugh-psychotically. "Aww, I'm gonna miss ya, Bells."

"_What_?" I asked. "Going to miss me? Where are you going?"

He smiled that annoying _I'm-So-Much-Cleverer-Than-You_ smile that made him look like a male Dromeda with worse hair. (Yes, people's hair does get worse than Andromeda's. I know; I'm surprised, too. Though I can't talk.) "Aah, Trixie, Trixie, Trixie. You are so very, very, very, very, very-"

"Get on with it, already."

"Alright, alright. The things is, my dearest Frizzball, that I, Sirius Orion Black, am soon to be escaping Azkaban, befuddling the Ministry and creating history as the first person ever to escape Azkaban!!"

I snorted. "As if, Sirius. I am the Dark Lord's most faithful follower – DON'T SAY _ANYTHING_ – and, one of these days, he will come and rescue me. While you will be rotting in here for the rest of your life."

"Bella, honey, the day You-Know-Who rescues you is the day Snivellus Snape washes his hair. And, I hate to break the news to you, but that's not going to happen."

"Fair point about Snape, Siri, but the Dark Lord _will_ rescue me! He will come back for me, his most faithful, his most trusted-"

"His most slutty…"

"Yes, his most… NO! I am not a slut, Sirius – _no I am not_ – I am just… having an affair. Yes. Which my husband doesn't know about… and will _never _know about. Now shush. I was having a very nice dream."

"Was I in it?"

"I said a _nice _dream, Siri. Anything with you in would be a nightmare. Now _go away_." I said, trying to get back to sleep. It was nice and quiet, until I felt a rock hit the back of my head. I spun round. "SIRIUS! FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE WOULD IT KILL YOU TO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?"

He laughed. "Aww, I'm gonna miss you when I escape, Bells."

"You're no going to escape. Would it kill you to be _serious_ for once in your life?"

"But I am _Sirius_. Geddit, Bella? Serious, Sirius… see what I did there? Serious…"

I began to smack my head against the floor. No, no, no… not the Serious thing… not again… I thought he'd grown out of it. We all hated it… even Walburga got annoyed. _Walburga_ showed _emotion_. That is how annoying Sirius is. I had to grow up with that.

And people wonder why I'm insane. No, wait, I'm perfectly sane. The, err… _small_ need to murder someone is completely irrelevant.

The next night

"Bella? Bells, are you awake?"

"Sirius, this is the second time in two days that you have interrupted a nice dream I was having… and no, you weren't in it, before you ask. What is it now?" I said, not even bothering to move.

"Even though I hate you with all my being, I… well, I… the thing is, Bella, these past… what is it? Twelve years? Well, you've been here for me… and I know I'm gonna regret this later, but maybe, just _maybe_, I'll take you with me when I escape. Whadyasay?"

"What I say, Siri, is that Azkaban has affected your brain. Now go to sleep. The day you escape is the day Lucius shaves his hair off."

Two days later

He's escaped.

Sirius Black has escaped Azkaban.

How? I don't know. No one knows, except him, of course. The Ministry are in complete shock; Ministry officials keep swarming around, checking stuff and talking in technical voices. I'm just lying here, staring at Barty Jr, who has a huge crack along his head now. Poor thing.

I can't believe he's really escaped. No one's ever escaped before… it _had _to be him, didn't it? He gets named after the brightest star in the sky, and what do I get stuck with? The _twenty-seventh_ brightest star in the bloody sky! It's not FAIR!! But now he's gone.

To think; I could have escaped, too. He was going to take me with him. But I blew it… I am such an _idiot_! If only I were out of here, I could help the Dark Lord rise back to power, I could free Rodolphus, I could dye Lucius' hair black when he's asleep… If only I'd trusted my stupid cousin!

But he's escaped… that means it's _possible_. I could escape… or maybe he'd so a supposed Barty and come and get _me…_

Oh, who am I kidding? He's probably out there snogging _Mooooooooony's_ face off. Urgh, urgh, bad images, get out, get _out_… nononononononononononono….

Changing the subject… the Dementors are back. Because Sirius isn't here to be insanely happy and scare them off, I am yet again plagued with nightmares and chills.

"_Bella_?" I heard a half-familiar voice calling my name.

I looked up, and wished I hadn't. My dear brother-in-law was looking at me through the bars, and amused smirk on his face. "Lucius!" I said, shocked. "What the Hell are you doing here?" I staggered to my feet and made my way over to the bars.

He gave me a once-over, one eyebrow raised. "You look, err… well, I'm not going to lie-"

"Really? You're not going to lie? That's a surprise, after all, you only lied about your allegiance to the Dark Lord to save your own filthy skin!" I snapped.

"Shh, shh…" He said, laying his finger on my lips. _What fresh Hell?_ "The Ministry think I was under the Imperius curse. Besides, Bella, what would you have rather I do? Admit it and have myself, Narcissa and Draco thrown in Azkaban? Hmm?" He took his finger off my lips and looked down at it as if it were contaminated. Taking a handkerchief, he wiped it as he looked down at me.

"Why are you here, Lucius?" I asked, looking away.

"I'm with the Ministry. Fudge trusts me, you see; we've had him over for dinner once or twice, so I'm high in favour right now, just like I was with the Dark Lord." He smirked down at me.

"You are _not _in his highest favour, Lucius! You, who's been comfortably swapping sides to suit yourself, claim to be more faithful than me! I have been waiting in Azkaban for over a decade, and I would gladly wait another for the Dark Lord!!"

"Yes, Bella, you're very faithful, blah, blah, blah… but, honey, you look awful." He said, reaching through the bar to pat my cheek.

I made to bite him. "What do you mean, I look awful? I… Roddy doesn't think I look awful!"

He just looked down at me despairingly.

"H-how is she? Cissy? And Draco?" I asked, looking at my feet.

He smirked at me. "Missing them? Aww, isn't that cute? You know, you did choose this life. You could have said it was a curse, blackmail, whatever. Then, who knows, you might even be able to get a brush through your hair!"

I glared at him, but before I could grace him with another scathing comment someone called 'Lucius!', and he looked up. "Just coming, Minister." He replied smoothly. He looked back at me. "Sorry, Bella. Duty calls." He mocked, smiling, and chucked me under the chin like I was a five-year-old. And then he walked away.

If I were Narcissa, I would have committed suicide as soon as I found out I was engaged to him. But still, if I were Narcissa, I would have committed suicide _long_ before that…

About a week later?

Was dragged out of my cell very rudely this morning. I thought, perhaps, that I was going to see Roddy again, but no, I was hauled off in the opposite direction. Whoever was dragging me had a painful hold on my hair, and I was half-walking across the floor backwards. I saw Lucius talking to the Minister, and he looked up and smirked at me as I was yanked past. I glared back at him.

I was thrown into a hard chair in some tiny, dark room and immediately felt the chains curl around me, fastening me to the chair.

"Bellatrix Black-Lestrange, yes?" Came a male voice from somewhere in front in the darkness.

I, of course, held my head up high. "Yes. What? Where are you?"

He ignored my questions. "For the past twelve years you have been residing next to Sirius Black, yes?" I could feel someone's eyes burning into me, and there was silence except from a rather annoying scratching noise somewhere in the corner.

"Yes."

"Did Black ever confide in you that he planned to escape? Perhaps tell you how he planned to do it?" Again, with that annoying scratchy noise. Scratchy-scratch-scratch. Like someone writing.

Crap. '_The things is, my dearest Frizzball, that I, Sirius Orion Black, am soon to be escaping Azkaban, befuddling the Ministry and creating history as the first person ever to escape Azkaban_.' He was pretty right. "No." I lied.

"Wilson!" The voice snapped. I felt someone grab my hair and tilt my head back, forcing a glass vial between my lips. Veritaserum. I tried to resist, but it was impossible.

"I'll ask you once more, Lestrange. Did your cousin mention anything about escaping to you?"

"Yes." I spat. I remember when Mother used to use Veritaserum on me… she never used it on my sisters, only me. She was jealous of my hair, I think. She has had a great grey streak for as long as I can remember, I think from the strain of raising me.

"What was it?" I really didn't like how I couldn't see anything…

"He just… knew he was going to escape. He never said how." I felt the words flow out of my lips, even though I didn't want to say them. That scratching noise, like a quill on paper, continued faster now.

"You're sure this is the truth?"

"I'm under Veritaserum, aren't I?" I snapped. There was silence.

"Meeting adjourned." The voice said, and immediately the room was filled with the sound of chairs scraping back. "Get her back to her cell."

I felt someone grab my arm and again a vial was shoved into my mouth – the antidote to the Veritaserum, I suppose. I opened my mouth to yell, but a sickly-sweet voice interrupted everything. "Sir, I was wondering, could I possibly interview her? For the Prophet and everything?"

There was a pause, until – "Yes. Tell a guard when you're finished, and they'll lock her back up." There was silence again, until the door shut, and a light flicked on.

It was so bright, it hurt my eyes, but once they had accustomed to the light, I could make out who was sitting opposite me. Those too-blonde-and-perfect-to-be-natural curls that she'd had since third year, the disgusting horned rimmed glasses she'd got when she landed her first job at seventeen… Rita Skeeter.

"_Bella_." She spat, glaring into my eyes.

"Skeeter." I sneered. I noticed she hadn't got any writing equipment out… "You were never here to interview me." It wasn't a question.

"No, no, Bellatrix, of course I wasn't. Do you really think the public want to hear about you? No… I came here to brag."

I laughed. "What do you have to brag about, Skeeter? Looks? I doubt it! Your own boyfriend preferred me!"

She slammed her fist down on the table. "He didn't prefer you! You threw yourself at him like the whore you always have been! What-"

"Yes, Rita, but if he'd been properly… _satisfied_ in the first place, he never would have accepted. Tell me, did he ever say my name after?" I smirked.

"You slept with my boyfriend!!"

"And she finally clicks on!" I rolled my eyes. "I slept with a lot of girl's boyfriends, Skeeter, don't think you're anything special. Though I must say, he certainly _was_ something special…"

She stood up from her chair and strode around the table, so she was behind me. I didn't like this one bit. "But… you got your comeuppance, didn't you? A lifetime in Azkaban! I always saw this coming. No one to sleep with now, is there, slut? Unless you've taken to accommodating the Dementors? I wouldn't put it past you."

"Skeeter, you need to get over this. So, your boyfriend preferred me. So, everyone preferred me. Get over it." I snapped, trying to loosen the chains.

"Everyone prefers you? Oh, Bella, I'm afraid you're soundly disillusioned there. You see, I am a successful writer working for the daily Prophet, while you are nothing but a Dementor's whore in Azkaban. I'm pretty certain I'm the more preferred out of the two of us."

"Skeeter, I am not sleeping with Dementors. Has all that blonde hair dye gone to your head?" I smirked again, though I knew she couldn't see it. She was still behind me.

"Shut it, Lestrange. I don't think you realize exactly what position you're in here, do you?" She smirked. I could feel her coming up behind me. "I could have you killed, did you know that? They've brought back the death sentence since he escaped. So I suggest that you shut your Goddamn mouth for once." She was right behind me. I didn't say anything. She patted my head, before her fingers twisted in my hair and pulled hard. "You have no idea how much I hate you."

"Actually, I do." I hissed, sitting perfectly still, my knuckles white from where I was clutching the chair so hard.

"Shut. Up. Now, Bellatrix, I think it's time I got you back, as it were, for ruining my school life." She moved back to her chair, but didn't sit down. Her wand was pointed between my eyes.

"Skeeter? Sorry, but time's up! Have you got the interview?" Came a voice from outside the door. I laughed loudly, insanely, and she couldn't do anything but glare at me. Even after a decade in Azkaban, I can still frustrate her, _without even trying_! Ha. I am too good.

"Yes, of course." She said, smiling sickeningly as she shoved her wand back into her (eww) yellow and purple leopard-print robes and walked out, taking care to tread on my bare feet as she did so.

As I was being roughly dragged back to my cell, I saw that Lucius was still in the same place talking to the idiot who somehow managed to secure a place as the Minister for Magic, still smirking. Does he ever do anything but smirk? I feel so sorry for Draco. Despite the fact that he threw up on my best red silk wrap when he was six months old. Ah, well. Cissy bought me a new one.

But, still… if Sirius, blithering idiot of the Wizarding World escaped, why can't I? I could get Lucius to help me… but he'd never let me live it down. Cissy? No, she's such a blabbermouth she'd probably yell it out to everyone in Diagon Alley. Andromeda? Pfft. As if. Mother? Oh, that's just laughable. Rita Skeeter will announce her undying love for me to the world before Mother even bats an eyelid about my imprisonment.

I will have to escape on my own. From now on, I will spend every waking minute planning how to escape Azkaban, find the Dark Lord and restore him to power.

The next day

There are exactly 4,739 pieces of straw in my cell.

I found out on Wikipedia that Bella and Rita went to Hogwarts together, and that's always intrigued me. Some fanfics portray them as best friends, but I've always seen them as worst enemies…

**Yupyupyup. So, err, review, and you get… something good. But if you don't review, I will track you down and eat you alive.**

**Joking, joking…**

**Or am I?**

**-Dundunduhhh-**

**xxxx**


	11. Chips And Chocolate

**I haven't updated for ****eons. ****Feel free to squirt me with various Heinz sauces… I know I deserve it…**

**I'm not happy with this chapter. The idea of Dora coming to Azkaban was given to me by the lovely ****the-purple-black****. She is amazing – be sure to check out her stories. :D**

**If I owned HP, I would be on my very own island, drinking one of those drinks with the umbrellas in it, not lying in my bed in my monkey pyjamas listening to the rain.**

**~Part 11~**

Another day. Does it really matter anymore? Nothing exactly happens, does it? The odd cousin might escape, the odd husband might get attacked by Dementors, but that's about it.

The guard outside my room has bright orange hair. With green streaks. An interesting combination, it must be said. She's new, I think. About twenty? And she's eating cheesy chips. I want some cheesy chips. Shall go manipulate her.

Jesus Christ. Didn't see that one coming.

I slid my arms through the bars and said, "You wanna give me one of those?" She jumped. I am rather good at sneaking up on people.

Then she stared at me. She had blue and pink striped eyes. But she stared at me for ages. A chip was frozen in mid-air between her mouth and the plate. It was dripping cheese. My stomach rumbled.

"What are you looking at?" I snapped.

"You look different." She mused, titling her head to the side.

"Different to what?" I demanded, but she shook her head and returned to her chips. She'd moved now; she was facing the opposite wall. I rolled my eyes. "Can I have a chip?"

She looked up at me, staring again. This girl was obviously stupid. "Can. I. Have. A. Chip." I repeated slowly. She handed me one. I'd forgotten exactly how beautiful cheesy chips tasted. All cheesy and chippy… yum. "So are you new here?" I asked, deciding that if I made conversation I was more likely to get another chip.

"I'm working here because there's been a drop in the number of Dementors. They'll be back soon, but the Ministry decided to use us Aurors as substitutes for a while."

"You're an Auror? I swear there was a dress code for them…" I said, eyeing her multicoloured hair.

She shrugged, eating another chip. "I'm a Metamorphagus. I can change at will. If I need to be in a really important boring meeting, I'll just change into something more formal. My dad doesn't mind, but my mum-" But she stopped herself there, as if she wasn't meant to say that. I took no notice.

Metamorphagus? Oh, thank God… that meant she was a Half-Blood at the least. Mudbloods are never Metamorphaguses. She offered me another chip. I ate it. "Metamorphagus, huh? You must come from a very old Pureblood family to be able to do that…?"

She shrugged, suddenly seeing tense. "Err… have another chip." She said, handing me four at once. I didn't complain. She seemed to be thinking of something to say. "Err… so how are you?"

I stared at her. She seemed somewhat scared. Then I suddenly snapped out. "Does it really matter? I want to know about your blood lineage. What Status is your father?"

She gulped. "Muggle-born."

"Hmm. Your mother, then?" I asked, staring at the chips. She didn't say anything. "Your mother?" I prompted. "What's your mother's lineage?"

She really started panicking then. "Erm… another chip? So… what's it like in Azkaban? What's your middle name? Do you like the colour purple? Were you a Head Girl when you were at Hogwarts? What was your favourite subject?" She continued shovelling chips into my hand, rattling off random questions.

"Is there something you don't want to tell me?" I asked her. Her face fell. My powers of deduction worked again! "_What's your mother's Blood Status?_"

"P… Pureblood…"

I thought so. "What was her maiden name?"

"Err… Smith?"

"Don't be an idiot. There are no Purebloods with the surname _Smith_. Rosier? Malfoy? Lest… no, I'd know if you were a Lestrange… erm… McLaggen?"

"My mum, err… McLaggen, yeah… she doesn't speak to them anymore, 'cos she married a Muggle-born."

"My sister married a Mudblood." I told her, reaching across for another chip. "It shocked everyone. She'd never broken any rules in her life before, and then she never came home from her seventh year at Hogwarts. Gave Cissa a letter to give to us about how she wasn't coming home, and that was it."

"Really? Wow, thatmusthavebeenhorrible…" The girl said, too fast, her voice too high as she handed me more chips. "So, err… about Black escaping… that was pretty shocking, eh?"

If I'd been thinking, I would have noticed the way she changed subjects so quickly. But I wasn't thinking. "I _know_! How could _he _have escaped? He's an idiot! Mind you, I'm not exactly _sad_ about it. He talked in his sleep. Always saying 'he's at Hogwarts, he's at Hogwarts' for hours and hours on end. Plus, he's my cousin."

"I know how you feel. My cousin's seriously annoying too. She's a Muggle, see, so she doesn't know about me being a Metamorphagus, so for as long as I can remember she's been making fun of my hair. We just tell her it's hair dye and tinted contacts, but she is _so annoying_. Plus, she makes fun of my name. To be honest, I don't blame her. Seriously, I think my mum was insane when she named me. Dad _could_ have stopped her, but oh, no, he had to go let her choose…"

"It can't be that bad... what is it?"

She suddenly looked terrified. "Oh, well, err, I really don't like saying it out loud…

"No one's here, only me. I've had my fair share of bad names. My middle name's _Druella_, for God's sake, and have you heard Sirius' vast collection of nicknames for me?"

"Trust me, my name's worse. My cousin never stopped pointing that out, so… I stole her boyfriend when we were sixteen." She grinned, eating another chip.

"That happened to me at Hogwarts. This girl was annoying me so I slept with her boyfriend. Her name's Rita Skeeter."

"_The_ Rita Skeeter? Who writes for the _Prophet_?" She asked, amazed. "She's always pestering us Aurors. We're called _Unspeakables_ for a reason, but she just doesn't get that. We banned her from the office a while ago, yet she still pesters everyone. Me especially."

"She was in my year at Hogwarts. We did not get on. She bullied my sister for a while, until I cursed her. She was unconscious for three weeks. I lost my prefect status, but it was worth it."

"Which sister?" The girl asked casually, holding the plate out so I could have another chip.

I froze. "Which…? Wait a minute… how… how do you know I have more than one sister?" I said after a pause.

She opened and closed her mouth for a while, looking like a multicoloured goldfish, before she shovelled more chips into my hand. "Well, err… you're… you're, like, the Blacks! Any self-respecting m-magical being would think it their, err, _duty_ to know everything about such a… such an old, respected Pureblood family l-like the Blacks…"

I didn't say anything for a couple of minutes, just eating my chips as I stared at her. She was terrified. After eating my last chip, I eventually shrugged. "Yeah, fair enough."

That was when I noticed that the chips were gone. Grrr. She'd eaten the last one. Hadn't she just gone on about how _amazing_ us Blacks are? Don't you think that amazing people (like me) deserve the last chip?

Of course you don't. You're a piece of parchment.

"Do you know what the date is?" I asked her.

"Yeah. Monday June 21st 1993… why? Oh, wait, hang on…" Something was making a really random noise in her pocket – high-pitched, boring and annoying. Like Lucius, actually. "Can you hold this for a sec?" She asked, holding her handbag out while she fiddled with the Lucius-thing.

I took it. Aah, I love newbies. They're so gullible and stupid. I love going through people's handbags. She wasn't going to get it back for a while… unless there was a dead rat or something. In that case… I'd be extremely worried.

So, let's see… she had tissues (boring), powder (why? She's a Metamorphagus! She can Metamorph any spots or whatever away!), some random Muggle crap, _and a chocolate bar_!!! Honeydukes, too! I like this girl. She has chips and chocolate. She can _definitely_ come back again, even though she's a bit weird… she's _talking _into the Lucius-thing…

"Sorry about that." She said, taking her bag back. "Phones don't usually work in here… I suppose it's the lack of Dementors… hey, that's mine!" She yelled when she saw I'd stolen her chocolate.

"Well of course it's yours. Who else's would it have been?" I glared, taking a step back as I started peeling off the wrapper. It was a teeny bit melted… yum… I took a bite.

"Oi! That's my chocolate! Don't eat it! I already gave you half of my chips!"

"Sweetie, when you haven't had a proper meal for twelve years, half a plate of chips just isn't enough." I said with a mouthful of Honeydukes. This girl's sorta like Dromeda, in a way. The way she gets annoyed reminds me of her. The whole whiney repetitiveness. If she stamps her foot…

She stamped her foot. I wonder if they're related? Pfft. No way. I'd be able to tell if this were my… niece or something.

Plus, my niece would hate me. I can totally imagine Andromeda's upbringing – "Now, Nymphadora, if you ever see a stunningly beautiful woman in Diagon Alley or wherever who looks nothing like me, because I am ugly and have poofy hair, then hate her. HATE HER, I TELL YOU, HATE HER!!!"

Okay, it might have gone _slightly_ different from that…

I finished off her chocolate, standing only inches away from her hands as they tried to grab MY chocolate through the bars. Well technically it was hers, but by that time I'd eaten most of it, so… I held the wrapper out to her. She glared at me, so I waved it in her face.

"What am I meant to do with that?"

"Like you said, it's your chocolate. Not mine. So it's also your wrapper. Not mine."

She glared at me, taking the wrapper. "Mum was right, you are an annoying bitch." She muttered under her breath, before she clapped her hand over her mouth and stared at me, wide-eyed.

"How would _your mother_ know _me…_wait a minute…" I said, holding up a finger to shut her babbling up. "You're a Metamorphagus Half-Blood with an awful name who seems to know rather a lot about me… and now you say your mother knows me, even though she's a McLaggen, and the Blacks are too far up to even _speak_ to them… and last I remember, the only McLaggen children of my generation were boys…" It dawned on me. "You're Andromeda's brat!!! Nymph… Nymphadora!"

She backed away, shaking her head.

"You are! It all adds up… Oh my _God_! You… you know who I am, right? You know I'm your… oh, God! I don't want to say it out loud!"

I spun on my heel and sat down against the door. I heard her footsteps hurrying away a few seconds later.

_Why didn't I see it before_? She's an Auror (Drom wouldn't shut up about that…), she's a Metamorphagus, she didn't want to tell me her name (but who would, with the name _Nymphadora_?)…

Urgh. My niece is a Half-Blood. But at least she gives me chips.

Either Wednesday 23rd June or Thursday 24th June. I'm not quite sure. I had this dream of sitting in my cell, only I can't tell if it was a really boring dream or an actual day, so I'm now very confused.

Was woken up by the clink of the lock. I mumbled 'five more minutes', and tried to get back to sleep, but then I was wrenched – very painfully, I might add – up by my hair.

"I though I'd _told you_, Bellabitch, to_ never, ever _go near her. Ever." Oh, joy. I found myself face-to face with my lovely little sister. Or brother. I'm not actually sure…

"Hello, Andromeda." I sighed, trying to swallow while my head was pulled back to an unnatural angle.

She slapped me, hard. "Shut up. For once in your life, shut up! Just listen to me, now. Do you have to ruin everything I love? I know I'm a Blood Traitor and you're a noble Pureblood whatever, but can't you leave it at that? Can't you just leave me _alone_?"

"Drommie, _darling_, I had no intention of ever meeting your Half-Blooded brat-" She tugged hard on my hair, "_Let me finish_." I snapped. "She was here with the Aurors. I didn't… invite her here or something."

"You should never have spoken to her! You should have recognised her and remembered what I said-"

"She's a Metamorphagus! She looks nothing like you or that Mudblood when she turns her hair ridiculous colours! _How was I meant to know_???"

"She's a Metamorphagus! How many of them are there in Britain? You should have used your brain!" Good God. She was crying. She let go of my hair and started stroking my cheek. I didn't really know what to do.

And then she hugged me, for the first time in years. "Look what this war's done to us, Bells. You, in here… we should still be a family. Draco and Nymphadora… they should be best friends… _we _should still be best friends, just how we used to be… remember? Cissy would be there, fussing over her robes and hair, and you'd break something and get beaten and screamed at for hours on end by mother…"

"Yes. I _really_ miss those days. Not."

She sniffed. "You… you don't? You don't miss me? I miss both of you. So, so much. I had to sacrifice you for Ted. I always hoped you'd… join me, really. We could all have lived together. You would have found a man in two seconds flat… Cissy, too, though any man would have to be tough to put up with her whining… you have to hand it to Malfoy…"

"Dromeda, you're wittering again." I told her, putting my hand on her head. Her hair was annoyingly brushed. "And…" I sighed. "Yes. I do miss you. When you left, it was like… I dunno, like something wasn't there."

"What did you think of Nymphadora?" She asked, finally lifting her head and looking at me as she wiped her tears away.

I shrugged, stepping back to lean against the wall. "She gave me chips and chocolate. But she is a Half-Blooded brat of a Blood Traitor and a Mudblood. Do you honestly expect me to like her?"

Dromeda's face fell when she heard my cold tone. "Bella? Bella, she's my daughter-"

"Exactly. You know, Dromeda, that one day I will kill her. And your husband, too. But I won't kill you. I'll leave you with the burden of knowing that if you hadn't _abandoned _us all those years ago, they'd still be alive, and you'd still be happy."

She stared at me. "What happened to you, Bellatrix? You never used to be like this… you used to care, you used to have a heart…"

"I have a heart!" I snapped. She is _so_ like Sirius. "There's just no place in it for the spawn of traitors!"

"Because you waste so much of it on a man who will _never_ love you in return!!!" She screamed.

I slapped her, hard. The guard threw open the door and hexed me. Again. Why does he never give me chips? Looking at the size of his stomach I'd say he had more than enough.

I woke up a few hours later to find myself hanging by my wrists on the wall. It's been bloody hard trying to write all of this, y'know. But, I have managed to do it, because I'm just brilliant like that. Unlike Andromeda, who isn't brilliant at all. She just has poofy hair.

Was I too mean? She is my sister… a traitor who always loved to snitch about me to Mother. Even when I didn't do anything. It was _Narcissa _who smashed the chandelier, thank you very much, but did the perfect little angel get blamed for it? Nooo. I couldn't sit down for a month after that…

But then again, she is my sister. She even tried to get me out of trouble occasionally. It didn't work – Mother loved any excuse to whip me – but it's the thought that counts.

I didn't lie when I said I miss her.

**--**

**Like I said, I'm not happy with that chapter, but what do you think?**

**I promise to update sooner next time. Next chappie will be GoF, with the Dark Mark burning, etc, so Bella will go wild with excitement at that. Then she escapes. And I have LOADS of ideas for stuff that happens at Malfoy Manor. :D**

**xx**


	12. Bastan and Burns

**I am armed with ice cream, chocolate and other sugar-filled goodies. Will that be enough to stop you from eating me because of the mahoosive update wait? Pwease?**

**Though I have actually met someone called Harold Potter, I do not own him or Harry. :(**

**--**

**~Part 12~**

Daytime. That's all I can tell you. I don't even know if it's daytime anymore, actually. It's grey outside. Then again, we are in England. It's always grey.

My hair reaches the floor now. I think that's quite a feat, to be honest. At least, it would be, if I could actually _brush _it.

Nighttime. I know this for sure, now, because it's bloody freezing. Oh, wait, again I say – we're in England. When _isn't _it bloody freezing??

Was just woken up by that creepy feel of someone staring at my back. I turned around to glance at the hole between Siri's old cell and mine, to see the silhouette of a man with straggly, knotted hair and mad eyes staring at me and grinning psychotically, his eyes glowing white against the black. I screamed. But I wasn't scared. No. I wasn't. Shut up.

The man laughed, and I recognised the voice. "_Rabastan??_" I asked, squinting to try and see him better, before rolling my eyes.

"The one and only. Made you jump, did I?" He grinned properly at me, beckoning me over.

I sighed and got up, walking over to the cell. "No, actually, I was fine. Totally expecting it."

He raised an eyebrow, looking me up and down. "So the whole screaming like a girl thing was…?" He grinned. Yep, his teeth _had _to be worse than mine. There is no way mine could be worse that that.

"What do you mean, _screaming like a girl_? I _am_ a girl, in case you haven't noticed, you idiot." I rolled my eyes again, leaning against the wall and chewing my nails. Cissy would kill me if she saw me doing that. I may have to show her, just to give her a heart attack. It'd be amusing.

Bastan grabbed the front of my robe and pulled me close, looking down it. "Oh, it appears you are. My mistake." He grinned up at me and winked.

I shoved him away. "Stop that, you pervert." I snapped, though I was laughing at the same time. It was nice to laugh. Laughter's a sound rarely heard in here. To have someone to laugh with was even better. Most of the time I end up laughing to myself. I've started to sound quite insane. I like it.

"Come on, Bella. You know me. Can't resist a girl in a potato sack." He laughed at my shocked expression. "You and your sisters are bloody loud at times. I never thought Narcissa could rob you of four hundred thousand Galleons…"

"Yeah, well…" I said quickly. "You know… she… she is my sister, after all… I taught her well." I nodded.

"Bella, your acting skills have died with your sanity." Rabastan said, playing with my hair. I snapped out at his fingers, and he flicked my nose, grinning. "I have missed you, y'know. I keep remembering the times when we all lived at home. When Rod would go off to work and it'd just be you and me. And you'd be wearing those ridiculously tight, low-cut dresses. And you were beautiful. So beautiful." He stroked my cheek, staring down into my eyes. "I always loved you."

I pulled my head away, taking his wrist and putting it down by his side. "Bastan… why are you telling me this?"

He shrugged, reaching out and stroking the matted mess of rat's tails I have for hair. "Come on, Bells. Don't you think the Dark Lord would have come by now if he were going to come? If he has risen – which is unlikely, admit it – he's probably found new followers-"

I shoved him away, furious. "How _dare_ you?! I am the best Death Eater the Dark Lord's ever seen!! No one could replace me, and he knows that! He _told _me so! He _will _rise again, how dare you suggest otherwise, you filthy Traitor!! His power… it is incomparable, greater than anyone else's ever to walk the planet! He is _not_ dead! He will come for us! HE WILL!!!"

Bastan took a step back, and I like to think I scared him. "Bella, darling-"

"NO!! DON'T TALK TO ME! IT'S CLEAR YOU'RE NO MORE THAN A TRAITOR, I COULD KILL YOU FOR THAT!! HOW DARE YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO _ME_, THE DARK LORD'S MOST FAITHFUL SERVANT?!?! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!!"

He stared at me for a minute. "You are insane. You can't honestly believe that. Do you? I gave up years ago…"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE A TRAITOR!!" I didn't even wait for him to reply; I just turned and sat in the one place in my cell where he couldn't see me. I heard him moving away a few seconds later. Arsehole.

Thirty seconds later

Wait, hang on… Bastan said, 'And you were beautiful.' _Were_?

Some days later. It's snowing. I know that doesn't help you with the date, but I don't care. It's snowing. At least you know it's winter, don't you?

I hate snow. What's the point of it? Water feeds the plants and trees, blah, and the sunshine makes them grow, but what does snow do? Abso-bloody-loutley nothing, apart from cut off the feeling in my feet. This is ANOTHER crap thing about Azkaban – the windows aren't glass, just holes with bars across them so we can't commit suicide. So, of course, the snow is coming in my cell. And it's not light snow. It's a blizzard. I can't see the straw on the floor any more, it's all covered in white stuff. And when you're wearing nothing but a potato sack and the same knickers you've had on for however many years it's been now (again I say, _hygiene_? Please??) it's damn cold.

Meh. I'm going to make a snowman.

I don't have a carrot (I'd eat it if I did)… coal… a scarf (and if I did, it would not go to the bloody snowman) or anything… ah, well. It can have straw for arms, yes, and… no hat or scarf. I have to cope without, so it can too. Ooh, I should make it Azkaban-themed… no. I'll make one of me. Yes. A snow-Bella. That sounds perfect.

Aah, this is fun. I haven't made a snowman for years. Me and my sisters and cousins used to make them all the time… Christmas wasn't really much fun with the parents. The feast was lovely – succulent turkey, chicken and pork, those little sausages wrapped in bacon, Yorkshires, gravy, champagne, wine, tons of roast potatoes, thousands of vegetables, and then the _puddings_… oh God… why do I torture myself?

Yes, so… the feast was lovely, so now I'm going to change the subject before I eat my own arm. The presents were great too. Every year, Grandmother Irma would buy us diamonds, the number depending on how old we were. That was probably the best bit about being the eldest. I always had more diamonds than them. But she stopped after we became of age, so I suppose we all have the same now. But it was nice to rub in Drommie and Cissy's faces anyway.

Then there'd be a ball… huge ice sculptures that didn't melt, not even when the huge fire was lit. Oh bugger. Huge fire. Now I feel colder. Brrr.

Yes… where was I? Oh yeah… Christmas wasn't much fun with the parents, but after the feast they'd go off to the parlour to talk about incredibly dull things, so me and the others would go out and throw snowballs at each other, build snowmen, bury Regulus in the snow when he threatened to tell the parents Rodolphus and I were snogging behind a tree, go sledging…

There was this one hill about half a mile away from the house that we always sledged on. Sirius dubbed it the Hill of Bones. It was notorious for breaking bones. I broke a wrist, hip, ankle and two ribs, Cissy broke four fingers and her nose, Dromeda her leg, and Sirius both arms and a leg. Reggie didn't break anything because he was such a girl he didn't go down it. But then I broke his jaw, so we were even.

We'd ice skate, too. Cissy, for all the times she'd successfully walked around the living room with seven books on her head (much to Mother's delight, as Dromeda could only manage four and I just tipped them off as soon as she put the first one on me), could not balance on ice to save her life. She usually just clung onto my waist because I was bloody brilliant at it. I just steered her into a snowdrift. She looked so cute with her legs sticking up into the air and her head and torso lost in snow. Aww.

When we got cold, and wet and tired, we'd trudge inside and sit on the sofa in the room that the parents didn't know about and we liked to hide in. Drommie would make us all hot chocolates (her hot chocolate making is one of the two good things about her. The other is that she's not in my life anymore) and we'd sit and talk.

It was nice. The times before we had any worries. None of us were married, I wasn't a Death Eater yet, and if Dromeda knew the fat Mudblood she kept it to herself. I kind of miss those days…

Is… is today Christmas? I'll ask Bert. (Yes, I am on first-name terms with him now. I've known him for fourteen-odd years now, I think it's time.)

Oh, God. Today's Christmas. Merry Christmas, I suppose. And yet again, I'm alone. Well, not really: I have snow-Bella with me. She's so pretty. Just like her namesake. Merry Christmas, snow-Bella. I hope you get everything you wanted.

But, come on… I didn't even get a _card_. Not one single card. I've been in here for about thirteen-fourteen years, so that's thirteen-fourteen Christmases. What about Cissy? Couldn't she send me a card? From what I remember she sends every worthy Pureblood in Europe one, to 'up her social standings', whatever that means.

Am I no longer a worthy Pureblood? I'm a Black and a Lestrange, thank you very much, so if little miss Malfoy thinks _just because _I'm in Azkaban I don't deserve a card, she's oh-so-very wrong. I ought to give her a piece of my mind. See, this is what happens if you don't look after Narcissa properly, or give her rainbow lollipops. She gets out of control. She's very high maintenance. I bet Lucius… what am I saying? Lucius constantly showers her with gifts and expensive holidays… but he might have given her a rainbow lollipop…

Or maybe I'm no longer in Europe… ooh… now I think about it, Bert _does _have a slight American twang to his voice… oh, God! We're in America!! I swear America's meant to be sunny… pah. What a rip-off.

Maybe that's why Cissy never sent me a card. Maybe her owl died in the long flight across the Atlantic… I can forgive her now.

Anyway, Merry Christmas, parchment. Merry Christmas, snow-Bella, because you're just awesome. Merry Christmas, Bert, even though I don't like you and your hygiene is atrocious. Merry Christmas, Cissy, and thank you for at least attempting to send me a card. Merry Christmas, Roddy, I miss you. Merry Christmas, Dromeda, even though you are a traitor, but you still give me chocolate and make a mean hot chocolate. I could do with a hot chocolate now. Hint hint. Merry Christmas… err… Draco, I suppose, even though you threw up on my best red silk wrap when you was six months old. But you also threw up on Lucius, so I kind of like you. Even if I've never heard you talk and you're as blond as your parents. Ah, well, you're related to me, so there still might be hope for you… Merry Christmas, My Lord, and please come and get me soon. Please.

Merry Christmas… uh. This is where I realize just how depressingly short my list of people to wish Merry Christmas to is. Ah, well… a very un-Merry Christmas to Lucius (because I don't like you and you totally womanised my baby sister), Rabastan (TRAITOR!!) and… Dromeda's husband and daughter (Nymphadora, dear, your taste in hair colours is worse than your mother's taste in men and names)… Mother (see? I didn't end up in a brothel. I'm in Azkaban, ha)… Oh, God. This list is even shorter. You'd think me, of all people, would have lots of people to hate.

Oh well. Christmas is a time of peace and goodwill. I still feel the need to torture the crap out of someone, though.

About a week later.

Snow-Bella has melted and I think I have frostbite. My life is just a never-ending bundle of joy, is it not?

SUMMERISH, BUT WHO CARES ABOUT THE DATE? WHAT DO DATES MATTER? THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN KNOWING WHAT DAY OF THE WEEK IT IS!!!

IT BURNT! MY DARK MARK!! I FELT IT! MY MASTER IS CALLING ME! HE'S BACK! HE'S ALIVE!! I KNEW HE WASN'T DEAD! HAHA!! I KNEW IT! HE'S BACK, AND ANYONE WHO'S EVER BETRAYED HIM (Lucius. Rabastan.) WILL PERISH! AND HE WILL REWARD ME, HIS MOST FAITHFUL SERVANT, BECAUSE I KNEW HE WAS ALIVE! I STAYED FAITHFUL!!

IN YOUR FACE, RABASTAN!

_I_ was one of the _only_ followers to stay faithful! I have endured, what, fourteen years of Azkaban now? I endured _that_ for him, and now I will be rewarded! While others said it was blackmail, or the Imperius curse, or whatever, I admitted it! No… not admitted… said with _pride_. I am proud. I worked my arse off for the Dark Lord, and rose to be His Most Trusted, even though they all said a _girl_ couldn't do it (Lucius started that off, which is a tad hypocritical of him.) But I did do it. I'm better than all of them at it.

He'll come for me soon. I know he will. And he'll reward me… oh God, how he'll reward me… he'll know what I've done for him, sacrificed for him. He knows I'd do anything for him, surely he must. He knows I… He knows I love him.

I do, I love him. It's a different kind of love to how I love Rodolphus. Sometimes, the way I love him borders on the way I love Cissy – platonic. Yes, I used to love him with all my heart, he used to be all I thought about. I used to doodle his name on my Transfiguration notes, for God's sake. But then I met the Dark Lord, and… well… now I love _him _with all my heart, and if I still took Transfiguration my notes would be covered in little hearts and _Mrs. Bella…_ hang on, what is the Dark Lord's surname?

But he hates love. He'd torture me if he knew I loved him like I do. He might even kill me. But I'd be happy to die for him. It would be an honour, dying for my Lord. And dying _by_ my Lord's wand… the honour...

But he won't have to know. I'll keep it to myself. I'll just be His Most Faithful… but still, all those times he requested for me at night… there must be _something…_? Just a tiny spark? He is still human, though he is more of a god, and surely he must feel _something_? How did he react when he found out I was in here? Sad? Indifferent? Or… happy?

I really shouldn't be crying. The Dementors will be flocking here like vultures to a carcass soon. But I can't stop. I _can't._ I can't stop loving him. It would kill me.

I remember when he decided to teach me the Dark Arts. I knew a few already, of course, but the things he taught me… before I knew him, I'd thought there were only three evil spells – the Unforgiveables. But he proved me wrong.

The first lesson was a month before my seventeenth birthday. I was terrified – who wouldn't be? – and I didn't know what to do, but he taught me, and I made him proud. And then… he rewarded me. And I loved him. I loved him so, so much. And I _told _him so. He just laughed and said I was a naïve little girl. I doubt he'd do that now.

He'll come for me. I know he will. He'll break down the walls for me, and then I will be reunited with my Master, and he with his most faithful servant. Master and servant will be reunited again.

Later. Why hasn't he come yet? Have I fallen out of favour? Gah. I bet Lucius has been bitching about me to him. DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, MY LORD, HE LIES!!

Rabastan's apologized. Ha. I knew I was right. I guess he's hoping I won't tell the Dark Lord he's been unfaithful, 'cos he keeps telling me how beautiful and perfect I am, and how much he envies his brother. I agree, of course. And flattery will usually get you everywhere with me, but when it's a choice between Rabastan and the Dark Lord, pfft, bye-bye Bastan.

Okay, Rabastan, serenading me is just a _tad _too much… seriously, stop… I'll get my husband to kick your arse… oh, he would…

But now I'm slightly worried, and not because my brother-in-law has just hit a note most dogs can't hear – my Mark hasn't burnt since. What if I never felt it? But… Rabastan felt it, so it_ must_ have burnt… but… what if he's disappeared again? I don't wanna spend another fourteen years in here!! I've only just survived these last fourteen years! And I have to think of the state of my hair when I've done 28 years… and I'd be so _old_!!

Wait… how old am I now? Let's see… I was 30 when I got here… so… JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!! I'M FOURTY-FOUR!!! HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?! Noohohohohooo!! I'm _old_! And Cissy's only _forty_. It's not _faaaiiiirrr_!!

I'm old. So, so old. I spent the best years on my life here. I hate Azkaban. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I want to get out of here!!

I really shouldn't have thrown a temper tantrum like a spoilt toddler on the floor. I think it might have marred Bastan's perfect impression of me…

--

**I know the bit where she felt her mark burn wasn't really funny, but I realized it might be quite hard writing certain parts of the book in here, because not very many funny things happen to Bella, so if I fail in humour sometimes… I tried to make the other bit as funny as possible, but I don't know if it worked :S**

**And I apologize if I made Bella sound a bit like Phoebe from Friends. I was watching a Friends marathon while I was watching this. Joey's adorable.**

**Thanks for reading all that AN crap. If you review, you'll get extra chocolaty goodies. x**


	13. Finally!

**I am so sorry for not updating. If you read my other fanfics, you'll know I came off my internet ban last month, but since then I've been so busy – year 10, GCSEs... gah. Still, I am updating ******** Feel happy.**

**I love you aaaaaaaaaaallll!!**

**Reviews would cheer me up A LOT. And trust me, I need it right now.**

**~Part 13~**

Bored… cold… hungry… the usual.

It's been nearly half a year since my Mark burned first. It's burnt three and a half times since then. (The half was when I _thought_ it was burning, then realized it wasn't and I'd just been lying on it weirdly for too long.) I'm so bored, I think I miss the Dementors. They buggered off shortly after the first Burn. Lucky bastards.

Why isn't he coming? It's not fair. I want him to come. Please. Pleasepleaseplease. Pleeeeeeeeease.

I… I honestly don't know what to say. I'm not bored, not cold, and not hungry… I'm out of Azkaban.

There's a fire to my left. It's huge, as tall as me. And it's _warm_. So, so warm. I'm warm. I'm wearing Narcissa's dressing gown. I'm sitting on her leather sofa. I have a plate in front of me – beef, potatoes, gravy and vegetables. I haven't touched it. I don't trust myself to eat, even though I'm starving. I might throw up, I'm so overwhelmed.

Cissy just came in. She's acting like my mother… not actually like Mother, because she'd just complain about how I embarrassed the family, but _a _mother. She is a mother. Jesus. Haven't seen Draco yet… Anyway, she sat down and knelt next to me. "Bella, you need to eat. You're too thin. Please." Her voice was soft, and she rubbed my arm gently.

I nodded, not answering, then looked at her. I'd forgotten what she looked like, really. She's beautiful (though not as beautiful as I was… _am_) and her eyes are the most amazing colour. And her dress is _far _too low cut. I stared at her for a while, then she stood up, kissing my forehead. "I need to go for a minute, call me if you need anything. And eat." She stroked my hair, and started to walk out, but I called her back.

"Narcissa, wear a different dress tomorrow." I said, staring pointedly at her very fake-looking boobs that she was practically flashing in that dress. Why doesn't she just walk around topless? It wouldn't make much of a difference. I hope she doesn't go out like that…

She laughed slightly. "Of course I will. You can't wear the same dress more than once, Bella, don't be silly." She smiled, and then she was gone.

The gravy's steaming. The potatoes are just right, and the beef looks gorgeous. But I've eaten nothing but gruel for the last fourteen years… could I handle this? It smells perfect… oh, who cares? I'm eating it.

God, that was nice. I'd forgotten how delicious roast potatoes are. With beef and gravy… mm, heaven… but maybe eating the whole plate in one go was a bit too much…

Uh. I hope Cissy doesn't mind the vomit on the carpet. I think it goes nicely with that disgusting wallpaper she has, actually. Honestly, she has no taste. Never did, never will. Silly girl. Lucius spoils her. I've seen the amount of jewellery she's wearing. It's a miracle her neck hasn't broken under the weight of that necklace. Wait… isn't it _my_ necklace?!?

I still can't believe I'm out. It… it's weird. Like it's a dream. Like I'll wake up any second and be back in that stingy little cell. It was so… so unexpected… I was just lying in my cell, as you do, and then suddenly, my arm started to burn. I laughed, sitting up straight, and then I licked it. It felt like a good thing to do at the time. This massive crack echoed throughout the catacombs of cells, and the crack in the ceiling that had killed the bunnies split open more, running down the wall until it all just… fell apart.

I walked out into the corridor to see others emerging from their broken cells; Antonin, Rabastan, Jugson, Travers… they all looked as shocked as I was. Rabastan came over to me and said something, but I shoved past him.

Where was Rodolphus? His cell was over the other side of the prison… the cobbles stung my feet, I was cold and hungry and weak, but I didn't care. I had to find my husband.

I don't know how long I was walking for, but eventually I heard his voice, the voice I hadn't heard for about a decade. "Hello, beautiful."

I gasped, turning around and throwing myself at him. If he hadn't been leaning against a wall, I would have knocked him over. He kissed me, holding me close, with one hand up my potato sack on my back and the other in my hair.

We were kissing for a long, long time, until a vaguely familiar voice interrupted us. "Ahem."

I looked up to see Lucius, looking rather pissed off. He was probably jealous, because he married my frigid cow of a sister and probably hasn't got any since Draco was conceived. His fault. Womanising my innocent little Cissy… Poor girl probably had no idea what was going on.

"Shall we get out of here?" He said coldly. I hate him I hate him I hate him. Has Narcissa divorced him yet? I hope so. If not I'll have to give her a piece of my mind. She's very high maintenance.

"That sounds excellent." Said Rod, kissing my head… well, my hair, as it's so matted I haven't felt my scalp for six years. His arm snaked around my waist and held me close to him as we followed Lucius down the corridor. I stopped then. A part of the wall leading outside had come off, and I stumbled towards it. Open sky… it had been a long time since I'd seen that.

The broken stones cut my feet even more, but what did that matter? I was free. After fourteen years of imprisonment, _I was free_. We all were. The Dark Lord had set us free. Just like I knew he would.

The wind blew about my face, and I laughed. I laughed for so long my throat started to hurt, but that didn't matter either.

"Bellatrix!! Come _on_!!" Lucius snapped, and I spun around to glare at him, but he did have a point. I couldn't wait to get out of there, back to food, warmth, shelter…

Once we reached the bottom of the prison (and believe me, it was a long way down. No wonder it was so bloody cold up there), Lucy led us out to a boat with house-elves waiting in it. We all got in, and then we started off. The waves were choppy and almost half the ocean came crashing into our boat, but none of us cared (except Lucius, because it ruined his dragonhide boots). We were on our way out. We were leaving.

The boat trip seemed to take forever. I was snuggled up to Rod, with my head on his chest (which wasn't too comfortable, as he's basically just bones. But it was still the most amazing feeling, being with him again), and his arms around me.

We reached the other side after what seemed an eternity, and Lucius helped us out. I accidentally-on-purpose managed to smear Lucius' suit with grime, which I am very proud of.

He handed the others a Portkey. "You're to go to Snape's, and stay and recover there for a few days. The Dark Lord will call you soon, and you are to be ready. You are to be rewarded for your… for your loyalty to him." He sounded slightly jealous. Ha. That's what you get for abandoning the Dark Lord for the sake of your hair.

I felt incredibly smug as I reached out to touch the Portkey, but he grabbed my hand. "No, Bella. You're to come with me. Strict orders from Narcissa." He actually smiled slightly.

I gaped at the mention of my baby sister. "C-Cissy? Is she alright? You have been taking care of her, haven't you? She's very high main-"

"She's fine, Bella. She can't wait to see you. Now come on. You stink, and I want to get you back as soon as I can."

Rodolphus' lips were on my neck, and I jumped slightly. "As soon as you feel better…" He whispered, stroking the other side of my neck, "You come to Snape's, and I'll remind you exactly why you married me." He kissed me then, hard, and in just the way I liked. And I kissed back, until I was yanked away by a very impatient Lucius, who immediately let go of me and wiped his hand on his trousers.

"We need to go." He snapped, "They'll have realized you're gone soon, and we need to get you out of here."

The Portkey glowed blue, and Roddy blew me a kiss before he and the others disappeared. He's embarrassingly soppy. But I've missed him. I was busy staring into the spot where he disappeared, when my twit of a brother-in-law grabbed my arm and Dissapparated with me. I've always hated Disapparating. It makes my knees ache.

We arrived outside Malfoy Manor, which, after fourteen years in Azkaban, looked like heaven on earth, despite the insufferable twats who live there. We didn't talk as we walked up the path – we've never really had much to talk about, except Narcissa. It's fun to bitch about her.

Speak of the devil… the door flew open and said Blondie came running towards me. I stopped, smiling, and held my arms out, but she just jumped at Lucius and started eating his face. He pulled away and glanced towards me. "Narcissa…"

Cissy stared at me for a minute, and her eyes widened. She unwrapped her legs from Lucius' waist (grrr) as he took his hands off her arse (double grrr), and slid down to my height. Well, not really, because she's about three inches taller than me now. But that's probably because of the fluffy bunny slippers she was wearing. There's no way she can be taller than me. I'm older than her, damn it!!

"B-Bella?" She said, staring at me as if I would just disappear into thin air any second.

"Yes. Hello, Narcissa." If she thinks she's going to get a lovey-dovey greeting after what I just witnessed, she's got another thing coming.

"I didn't r-recognise you…" She said.

I opened my mouth to say "no, really?", but the next thing I knew I had trouble breathing, she was hugging me that tightly. She had her head buried in my neck (which was much better. She was smaller than me again) and was mumbling unintelligible things. I just patted her dead-straight hair (note to self – frizz her hair) and acted bored, but in reality it was wonderful, having her in my arms again, smelling that chokingly overpowering perfume of hers, seeing Lucius standing there alone, staring at her as she hugged me so tightly it felt like I was wearing a corset again.

"Cissy," I whispered, kissing her head. "I haven't had a shower for fourteen years."

She jerked away faster than anything. "Bellatrix! Eww!!" She grabbed my hand and began to physically drag me towards the Manor. Lucius was left forgotten. Ha. Maybe next time he'll keep his hands off her arse.

The inside of Malfoy Manor hadn't changed, except for the lack of baby clothes and toys around. How old is Draco now? However, I didn't get to see much of it as Cissy dragged me towards the living room, shoving me onto a sofa and sitting on another. "Oh my God, you have missed _so much_. Cecil Parkinson's run off with that low-class slut of his – don't look so shocked, we all knew it was going to happen – so Violet's on her fifth husband now. And Estella McLaggen's had her eighth child –_eighth_, can you believe that? I'm struggling with one – and the brat is so obviously not her husbands, I mean, he was away for two years. She really should h-"

Lucius came up behind her and kissed her head. "Narcissa, beautiful, I doubt she wants to hear any of this right now. Let her have a bath and eat something, then I'm sure she'll bitch about the rest of the Wizarding world with you." Maybe Lucius isn't all bad… he just totally womanised my innocent baby sister. And he betrayed the Dark Lord. Yes. Bastard.

Cissy stared at me for a minute then jumped up, grinning and clapping her hands. She then grabbed mine – seriously, I know she missed me, but isn't she a bit too old for holding hands? It was cute when she was seven, but now… – and dragged me out of the room.

I'd forgotten just how bloody big this place is. My manor is just as big, don't go thinking the Malfoys are in anyway better than Roddy and me, but I hadn't been here since Draco was born, much to Lucius' delight. I refused to come back after he threw up on me. And by 'he', I don't mean Draco.

After about twenty marble stairways and eight thousand corridors, Cissy stopped and opened a door, pushing me inside and locking it behind her. It was the biggest bloody bathroom I've ever seen. When it comes to bathrooms, the Malfoys just _might_ be better than the Lestranges… but we're better at everything else, and they know it.

I was busy starting at the entire wall of shelves of hair care products and the MASSIVE mirror, so I didn't notice Cissy taking my off my potato sack until I was standing naked in the middle of her bathroom.

She sucked in a breath behind me, and I turned towards her. Her hand was over her mouth, and she was looking me up and down. "Oh my God…" She whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

I turned slowly back to face the mirror, and froze. My feet carried me slowly towards it as I stared at the figure in front of me. It couldn't be me, could it? I couldn't be… be like that. The figure's ribs and hipbones jutted out, and her backbone was clearly visible through her stomach. Her legs… nothing but bones. Her arms, the same. She's a living skeleton.

I'm a living skeleton.

You could see every bone in my body.

Around five minutes later, Cissy came up behind me and wrapped her arms around what was once my waist. "Thank God you're out of there. I'll give you something to eat after you've had your bath. Then you can sleep. Come on." She took my hand and took me to the also massive bath sunk into the floor. I stopped and stared at it, not going anywhere near the water. "Bella?" She asked, "What's wrong?"

"T-the water… it's clear… you can see through it…"

She frowned. "Yes. It's water, of course it's clear. Water is clear. Did they not give you clear water in Azkaban?"

I shook my head, looking at the steaming water. Steaming… it was _hot_. _Hot water_. It's been so long since I'd seen that. I took a step onto the first step into the bath, and gasped. Cissy's hands tightened around my arm, but I shook them off and plunged straight into the water. It was so warm…

I splashed around for ages. At one point I came up with water in my mouth and squirted it at Cissy. It was funny, but she didn't think so. Because she's just boring. I blame Lucius.

When nearly all the bubbles had gone (which was a shame, I like bubbles), I eventually swam over to the side. Cissy rolled her eyes, "Finally," and got up, walking over to the shelf. She came back with about sixty different hair products. "Now this one was voted Witch Weekly's number one hair product of the year six times in a row. It's guaranteed to reduce frizz. But I don't think the guarantee will apply to your hair, so we'll just have to hope it makes a difference."

I swam out of the way. "No, Narcissa. You are not touching my hair with a ten-foot barge pole."

"Bella, at the moment your hair's so matted I don't think you'll need a pillow tonight. Please. You'll feel so much better if I just wash it and cut it a bit… and maybe dye that grey streak, because it's really annoying me."

Wait a minute, grey streak? I have a grey streak? What? That's not fair!! How come Cissy doesn't have a grey streak? Oh yeah, I forgot. Hair extensions don't change colour. Well if I had a grey streak it had to go, that would just be embarrassing… "Fine. Just this once."

I sat there for about a million years as Cissa squirted different, disgustingly floral-smelling liquids on my head. She seemed to be enjoying herself, and I hope she does, because I'm going to attack her with green hair dye and curlers as soon as her back's turned.

About half way through the torture (seriously, I may be the world's best Crucio-caster but when it comes to downright torture, even my best spell's got nothing on one of Cissy's makeovers), my head suddenly felt lighter. I spun round, afraid she'd gone over the top (like she usually does – she's very high maintenance), but she just put a massive matt of hair to one side and turned my head back.

When all the matted bits were gone – and believe me, there were a lot – she managed to get the brush through my hair with only a minimal yanking. She washed whatever expensive trashy conditioner was in my hair out, and stood up. "Finished."

I stood up, and, taking her dressing gown, glanced in the mirror. She still looked haunted, the figure, but her hair didn't look like she'd been hit with an Electro Hex, which was a plus.

She took me downstairs, to the food, and then went out again. She's become very distant. I can't believe I'm actually missing the girl who used to follow me around constantly at Hogwarts and slept with a Blankie until her sixth year at Hogwarts, but right now I'm liking her a lot more than Little Miss Look-at-my-boobs- (not-that-you-can-really-miss-them-in-this-dress-of-course) -they're-so-plastic-that-if-I-were-to-start-breastfeeding-again-the-poor-kid-would-probably-get-molten-plastic-instead. Then again, the first one probably wouldn't have given me food and a bath and a bed. She'd have just complained about why she'd missed out on fourteen years' worth of bedtime stories.

Ooh, here she comes now. I don't want to know why she's carrying a makeup case that's roughly the size of her ego (very, VERY big) and those Sleekeazy's straighteners (why does she even have them? Her hair has never had a single natural curl in it once. Ever. I remember these things), unless she's about to burn them.

She's not going to burn them, is she? Nope. She's sitting on my lap, grinning her probably-just-as-plastic-as-her-boobs little face off. "Makeover!!"

Why me?

**Yeah... so... XD This is it. Hope you enjoyed it!! I'm gonna go to bed now, nu-night xxx**


	14. Oh God

**I'm really sorry for not updating for so long – I have had SO much work. I probably shouldn't be updating now, as I have eight pieces of coursework and a Maths Mock on Monday (hahaa) but I am anyway :P**

**Chapters will be a lot slower now. Sorry, but when it comes to it, school is more important than fanfiction in the end. Thanks to everyone for being so patient xx**

**~Part 14~**

Lying on the sofa with Cissy on top of me (Yes, I know. Don't say anything) as she applies forty tonnes of crap to my already perfect face. I guess this will be a common thing in my new life here in Blondeworld. Joy.

The two good things about Azkaban, one: Dementors will not attempt to straighten your hair. The two good things about Azkaban, two: Said Dementors will not burst into tears when your hair is so uncontrollably frizzy even after having been drowned in expensive crap that's meant to make it perfect again it still breaks the straighteners.

I can't actually move my face. Not that I'm going to try, of course, because whenever I do she yanks my now-brushable hair and mutters something about 'having to start again', and I want to get this over and done with as soon as possible.

She weighs a bloody ton. Can she not tell I've been starved for fourteen years and that the last thing I need is a load of plastic, unicorn implants and maybe the tiniest bit of natural flesh left on top of me? And why is she on top of me? She's not five any more. Oh, good, she's up. No, she's now straddling me. I know we're only here because of incest, but isn't this a bit _too_ close? Maybe her little blonde head is confused and she thinks I'm Lucius… actually, she better not. Ooh, if I ever catch her straddling him…

"Done." She grinned, then applied some more lipstick to herself and shoved it back in the bag. Then she just sat there. Straddling me. Why?

"So how much cosmetic surgery have you actually had?" I asked, raising an eyebrow and putting my hands behind my head.

She paled, putting one hand to her cheek then glancing down the front of her top. "Wh-what? I d-don't know what you're t-talking about, Bella… trix…"

"Narcissa, I grew up with you. I know for a fact that you could never ever grow tits like that." I laughed, reaching forward and flicking the top of her boob. I wish I hadn't. It was rock hard and I hurt my nail. I don't think she felt anything. Then I hardened my face, glaring at her. "So why have you meddled in _Muggle_ plastic surgery, Narcissa?"

She laughed, flicking her hand and me. I was nearly blinded by all her bloody rings. "It wasn't _Muggle_, silly. They're doing it at St Mungo's now. But privately. Lucius had to pay a lot of money for these…" She was busy prodding her boobs, and I glared at them. So Lucius was the one who made her have the massive tits? I'm not surprised… "Too expensive, really. I mean, all the doctors do is look at boobs all day, then it's just a couple of unicorn skin implants and a quick _Injectus Botoxium_-"

"Narcissa!! Stop!" I yelled, and she shut up. At least she still remembers a few of the rules I taught her before Azkaban. "I'm not very happy with you at the moment. It's going to take a lot of making up for…"

She raised an eyebrow. "You're jealous because I have bigger boobs than you now, aren't you?"

I just glared at her. Stupid Blondie. I've been starved for over a decade. Of course my bra size is going to go down a little… or a lot. But atleast mine are _natural_. Stupid unicorns and their stupid skin…

She giggled, clapping, and got off me. I could finally breathe! Then a House-Elf came with food, and she grinned and walked out. Just like that. No, "I'm going to go now, unless you want me to stay, because I'll always do everything you want, being the loving baby sister I am," no, "I'm leaving now to go hang my head in shame. You were right, as usual." Not even an, "Oh, Bella, I have to leave because I know that no matter how much crap I get injected into my face I'll never be as beautiful as you…"

Ooh, Cissy remembered my favourite – cheese'n'bacon burger with all the toppings and extra chips, (don't look at me like that!! I couldn't live on what my mother fed me, no one can live on rabbit food! I had to find something else!) I love the girl sometimes. It's not her fault her boobs are faker than Andromeda's wedding ring. It's Lucius'. He probably tied her to a table and made her have it… poor thing. He's brainwashed her, it's the only answer. Poor, poor thing.

I wonder if he's had any unicorn implants? Or just a sex change? We can all tell he wants to be a girl. The long hair, the bows, the way I caught him wearing Cissy's stilettos once – he said he was 'breaking them in for her'. Pah, what kind of an excuse is that? Men don't 'break in' heels, they just break them… atleast, that's what happens when Roddy wears mine – it's obvious! They could be the first ever lesbians Mother actually approves of! Aww, I'm so proud!

This burger is so good… I'm not even complaining about how whenever I take a bite, I leave a massive red lipstick smudge on the bun. The cheese is so cheesy and the bacon is so… bacon-y…

Mm. That was good. Cissy sure knows how to cook… or order her house-elves to cook, as Narcissa never has and never will work a day in her life. It's a hard life.

I think I'll go exploring. God knows there are enough rooms in this bloody place. She probably has a different bedroom for every day of the week. Hopefully so does Lucius. I don't care if they're married. I don't care if they have a son. He is not sleeping in the same bed as her. If I catch them doing that, they'll both regret the day Mother and Abraxas Malfoy agreed that they'd be married.

How about I just avoid upstairs altogether? Yes, that's a good idea. I think I'm lost already. Cissy will probably have to come and get me, if her all her plastic doesn't weigh her down.

Ooh, this room looks full of expensive irreplaceable useless things that probably none of them are allowed to touch. I think I'll go touch something. Just to show Lucius that you don't make my baby sister get unicorn implants. No matter how sexy she looks. Hmm, this foeglass does look very, _very_ expensive… encrusted with diamonds, I see… teehee. They won't miss it. Bugger, that smash was loud… nope, nothing. They're deaf as well as blonde.

Aah, I love trashing other people's things. Yes, I know they'll just _Reparo_ it, but I don't care. It's fun to smash things. Plus I want to see Lucius cry again. It's funny.

Hmm. Why haven't they come running yet? I think I'll go find them. Lucius will probably be in his study, and Cissy will probably be with him, whining about how he made her get the implants.

I think this is his study. Meh, I'll try it. if it's not I'll just break some more of his stuff. It's fun to s-… OH MY GOD!! I'll be right back. I have a sister to discipline.

I don't care if they're married. He is not to have her shoved up against the bookcase. She is not to have her legs wrapped so tightly around his waist that I doubt he can breathe. He is not to have his fingers threaded through her hair extensions, pulling her head back to kiss her neck. And she is DEFINITELY not to be making _those_ noises. Little slut. What happened to the frigid little Narcissa I liked who was scared of boys and had to hold my hand whenever one came near? I want her back. She didn't go around snogging people she's only known since she was about three. That's only, like, 37 years! That is no time to build up a relationship like that!! Lucius has let her get away with too much. She's very high-maintenance.

While Lucius was busy sucking her neck off (I wonder what it tastes like? Plastic-y, I suppose), Cissy spotted me. Her eyes widened and she kicked her legs out. "Lucius… stop…"

He looked up and saw me, then promptly dropped her on the floor on her arse. I doubt it hurt her much. I don't think plastic can hurt. Lucius then did up his shirt and walked over to behind his desk. "B-Bellatrix. You're looking better, I see. Narcissa-"

"I don't want to know what _Narcissa's_ done, Lucius." I spat, walking over and trying to grab Cissy's hair. Most of it came out in my hand, so I settled for her arm instead. "We're going, Cissy." I said, glaring at Lucius. I started to walk off, but Cissy didn't follow. She just stood still.

"I… I'm staying here, Bella. How about you go have a rest, hmm? You've got the West bedroom." She gently prised her arm away and bent down to pick up her hair extensions, clipping them back in.

"You are _not_ staying here, Narcissa. I don't want to leave you alone with that man." I spat, glaring at Lucius.

"_That man_ just happens to be my husband, Bellatrix!!" Cissy glared at me. It was a pathetic glare. She obviously hasn't inherited my talent. I don't think she's inherited _any_ of my talents… which is a shame, as I have a lot. No wonder she was stuck with Lucius.

"That gives him no right to do what he was just doing!!"

She rolled her eyes. "Just go, Bella." Fine! If she didn't want my company, then she wouldn't get it. See if I cared. But just before I slammed the door after me, I clearly heard Lucius say; "We're not going to have a sex life for the next few months, are we?" Bastard. Womanising little bastard. I should steal all his bows. I think I'll do that, actually…

Haha. He's now bowless. Let's see how he likes that when he has to go suck up to Fudge tomorrow. Revenge, Lucius. Revenge.

Crap, I'm tired. I think I might go to bed… it'd be the first time I'd sleep properly in fourteen years. In a _bed_. With _pillows_. And _sheets_. And a _cover_. And a _mattress_. Can you believe that? An actual _bed_. Okay, which one did Cissy say was mine? East one, wasn't it? Meh, I'll try that.

Humph. It turns out the East bedroom is hers…and Lucius'. I'm not going to get angry at how there were a very wide selection of bras, knickers (if you can call them that. I thought they were hair ribbons at first) and corsets on the floor. I'm not even going to mention the handcuffs and whip on the bed. Or the maid outfit. Not even the pole. As far as I'm concerned, they're not there. Never have been, never will be. End of story.

The West bedroom. Over the opposite side of the Manor to their bedroom. Which is a long, long way. Hmm. Convenient. _Too_ convenient. It's almost as if she wants to get rid of me so Lucius can continue shoving her against bookcases and I'll be none the wiser. Some baby sister she is. Pfft. I'm starting to prefer that Mudblood-loving mother of a Half-Blooded freak to her. She probably doesn't even have sex. The Mudblood probably can't.

I can't be stuffed getting changed. Actually I can. I'm allowed to change my mind if I want to, shut up.

It's a silk nightgown. It's pink, but it's Cissy's, what do you expect? Atleast it's not a potato sack. Ohh… it's so silky… twelve pillows. _Twelve._ I don't care if she's a slut or not, I love Cissy. Night-night. I have a feeling I'll enjoy this night.

Two seconds later

I am in a _bed_. An actual _bed_. A _bed_. With _pillows_. And _sheets_. And a _cover_. And a _mattress_. And _cuddly toys—_wait, cuddly toys? Well they're out the window now, so no matter.

About half an hour later.

I hate this bed. It's comfy. _Too_ comfy. It makes such a change to stone floors with a bit of dank straw that I don't think I can take it. Am I actually missing Azkaban? Bloody Hell. I am insane.

I'm sleeping on the floor. I've taken three pillows and the cover with me, but now I'm just lying on the expensive-looking white plush carpet. Ooh, I have to spill red wine on this at some point…

This is much better. Finally, I can sleep…

A bit later.

Why in the name of the Dark Lord does she have a pole in her bedroom?!?!

The next day, about 10ish.

I was woken up by Narcissa oh-so-gracefully tripping over me. It was quite funny, actually, as she smacked her head on the bedpost. She was whining for about 10 minutes, and I was laughing. Then she got under the covers with me and snuggled. I just lay there. I am Bellatrix Lestrange, I do not _snuggle_.

"I got a letter from Mother, you know." She said into my neck. I swear there's something wrong with her… she either thinks she's five or that I'm Lucius. I'm hoping it's the first option. I'd rather my baby sister were insane than I were mistaken for _him_.

"Lucky you." I said dryly, staring at the ceiling. The Malfoys don't have very interesting ceilings… but maybe that's because they're not very interesting people. My ceilings are incredibly interesting.

"She saw your escape in the paper." Cissy said, snuggling more. "She wants us to go over to Black Manor. I said yes."

I shot up straight, and she stared up at me. "You said _yes?!_" When she just nodded, I carried on. "Argh!! Why?"

She snorted slightly, fiddling with her hair extensions. "You don't say no to Mother, Bellatrix. Not unless you have a death wish." I opened my mouth to say something, but then I realised she was right. Eh, we all get lucky sometimes. I flopped onto the pillow. "Oh, and Bella…" Cissy said, narrowing her eyes at me, "Mother _does not_ know about my implants, and she _will not_ know. Understood?"

I laughed, about to threaten her with telling Mother, but Narcissa just snuggled again. How on earth did this girl ever get into Slytherin? Maybe she was scared of being in any other house. And I must admit to being fully blameable for that.

So this is how, less than 24 hours after I escaped Azkaban, I am already facing something far more terrifying than any Dementors. My mother.

Here I am, at Black Manor. God I hate this house. It scares me, to be honest. Mother's internal decorating is just as bad as Cissy's, but I think I prefer frilly pink bows to… well, nothingness. There is not a single portrait, painting, ornament, anything. It reminds me of Azkaban. And the cloak Mother's wearing reminds me very much of a Dementor…

Wow, this is bringing back memories… that's the cupboard I always used to be locked in… and over there she kept the canes… oh no, _keeps_ the canes… I think Daddy threw me out that window there, nice man. He and Mother were perfectly suited.

She and Cissy are currently engaged in a _gripping_ conversation about the prices of decent house elves now. "Gone up _twelve percent_, you say, Narcissa?" "Oh, yes, Mother. And they're getting very shabby, Lucius and I are struggling to find a decent one…" Ugh, I'm bored. Why did I have to come? Oh yeah, because Mother told me to, and I'd rather not die the day after I escape Azkaban. She hasn't noticed me yet-…

Crap. I spoke too soon. "Ah, Bellatrix… I see you are yet again burdening your sister with your presence. I do insist you grow up and learn to look after yourself…" Blahdeblahdeblah. She's talking nonsense. I can just ignore her now. I've learnt to block it out. It's a skill you need around my mother. I think she's still ranting. She could talk for ever, if no one stopped her. So that's where Cissy gets it… "_Answer me_, you impudent little brat!"

I blinked at her, then glared. "Well, Mother, seeing as my house is currently possessed by the Ministry and the only way I could get it back was to walk in there and sit through a court case about it, which I cannot do due to the six hundred thousand galleon price on my head, I'd say my only choice is to stay with Blondie. And it wasn't my choice anyway, it was hers."

Mother looked shocked (as did Cissy when she heard the amount of money I was worth). "I only asked you if you had seen Rodolphus since your escape, Bellatrix."

"O-oh, well… err… he's at the greasy bast-… err, Snape's. So, ah, not since yesterday…" I just made an idiot of myself. Cissy's got that smug little Malfoy grin on her face that I so desperately want to slap off, but seeing as she's still Mother's little angel that wouldn't be wise. I so want to scream out all the secrets Cissy's been keeping from her out, but I think I'll keep them for blackmail. It'd be nice to have a hold over her again. Do you think I could trick her into giving me her pocket money like I used to? Or maybe just the key to her Gringotts account…? She's blonde, it might work…

We're back at Malfoy Manor now. Mother seemed to take offence when I asked her if I could go and dance on Father's grave. Old bat. She never loved him anyway. She's physically unable to love anyone. People with no hearts can't love. I should know. But I'm glad we're out, I never want to go back there again.

Cissy's not very happy with me. I'm following her round everywhere she goes, just in case she decides to go screw Lucius behind my back. I find it funny that forty years ago, she was the one following me around while I wanted to go screw Roddy. How times change…

God, she spends a long time staring at herself in the mirror. She's become even vainer than she was as a child, if that's even possible. I blame Lucius; he's let her go out of control. She's very high maintenance.

**Okay, so a few things – I am not Blondist or whatever it is. Id quite like to be blonde. But I always see Bella as being the kind of sister who takes the piss, so I guess she would. No offence to any blondes.**

**Two, this will be the last chapter up for a while. I'm really sorry. But yeah, you know... GCSEs O.O**

**Thanks, bye xxxx**


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